


Secrets and Scales

by mermaidkat



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-07-18 06:58:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7304212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mermaidkat/pseuds/mermaidkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke has a secret that she must keep from Anders. Will she be able to do it or will the growing problem get... a little out of hand?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secrets and Scales - The Prequel (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of the Prequel story to 'Secrets and Scales' - Wherein Anders and Hawke meet and well, don't fall in love as it were.

All he could remember from their first meeting was annoyance. He would have no idea at that time what she would turn out to be in his life. But how could he? There would have been no such thing as ‘Love at First Sight’ with his circumstances at that time. But still, he could remember being agitated when they first met.

Anders was holed up in his dark and dingy hovel of a clinic situated in Darktown. As usual he was busy from sun-up to sun-down with all of the influx of refugees, not to mention some of the underbelly of the city’s own residents. He was getting tired, but would never allow that to hinder his work as he helped without compensation the people who needed him. That is until the doors of his clinic busted open and a man pummeled through. The healer thought to check to see if the door even remained on it’s hinges and if that was just one more thing to add to his never-ending list.

Soon, however, he was confronted by the same man who was nearly standing toe to toe with him. Anders backed away smoothly and grabbed his staff ready to attack. “I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation. Why do you threaten it?”

The man before him looked agitated as his hands reached back for his own weapon, but stopped. 

“I’m sorry.” Anders spoke before the other man could. “There is a line of people currently, so if you need some healing, which it doesn’t seem you do, please wait patiently. And don’t scare the other patients.” He ended with a small flicker of blue which escaped his eyes. 

“You’re Anders, right?” The man asked though the tone of his voice didn’t sound like a question as it did a demand. He was a tall fellow with tanned skin and dark hair. His blue eyes were clear but held intensity. On his back he was carrying a large sword - a warrior of some sort. But his accent was completely devoid of the usual Free Marcher connotations. Another Fereldan, perhaps? Though before Anders could properly respond to the rude man, the sound of multiple footsteps came through the entrance.

This time is was a woman accompanied by a dwarf. The woman, long blonde hair tied high on the back of her head a few rebellious strands falling about her face. She was tall for a woman and well built carrying about a large staff on her back - a mage and so open here in Kirkwall? Well, whoever she was she quickly scanned the clinic eyes finally settling on the rude man as she made her way towards him. The dwarf stopped to catch his breath before he also scanned the room and it’s contents. He didn’t seem to be looking for anyone or anything in particular like the woman was just observing the area - Anders never would quite understand Dwarven customs.

Soon, the woman caught up to the first man and practically dragged him away from Anders’ vicinity which the healer was a little grateful for. Anders certainly could hold his own in a fight if it came down to that, but he would prefer not to do that in his clinic and around his patients. As the woman dragged the other away Anders heard her begin to scold ‘Carver’ - must be his name. Though the way she addressed him like a parent to a child was nearly comical. It was clear this ‘Carver’ outweighed her, and even towered over her in height and stature, but with just a few harsh words and the man looked nothing more than a small boy- no, a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs.

A moment more and she left his side, taking a few strides forward. She gave Anders a courteous smile before slightly bowing her head. “I’m Josie Hawke, and let me apologize for my little brother’s behavior. He’s a bit thick-headed when it comes to things, I hope you’ll forgive him.” Such manners were a bit confusing Anders thought to himself. “Anyways, I can see that you’re busy at the moment, however I would like to speak to you if you have the time? I need to know about the Deep Roads.” She asked glancing up towards him exposing large blue eyes - not unlike the man from before but somehow these made an impression of purity.

Anders brushed off his robe from the dust that Carver had kicked up when he ran in earlier and looked towards his line of patients. “Did the Wardens send you to bring me back?” He asked skeptically. “I’m not going. Those bastards made me get rid of my cat!” Anders paused before mumbling to himself, “Poor Ser-Pounce-A-Lot, he hated the Deep Roads.”

“You… uh… had a cat… named Ser Pounce-A-Lot… in the Deep Roads?”

“He was a gift. A noble beast!” A smile tickled at his lips as he found himself inside a memory. “Nearly got torn in half by a genlock once. He swatted it on the nose.” He chuckled. “He drew blood too!” The next thought seemed to anger him as a small growl pulled at the back of his throat. “The blighted Wardens said he made me too soft. Had to give him to a friend in Amaranthine.”

“So you came to Kirkwall just to escape the Wardens?” She asked. 

“You say that like it’s a small thing, but yes. I came because there are no Warden outposts, no darkspawn. But I really must get back to my patients.” He placed his staff back against the wall before walking to his stash of herbs and poultices. 

“Oh, of course. Sorry for the distraction. I’ll come back a little later.” She smiled again, though Anders didn’t see it as much as heard it from her voice. She took a few steps towards her two companions, and Anders heard the Dwarf talk. 

“So, Hawke did you get any information?”

“No. He’s busy at the moment. We’ll come back later.” She replied.

“What, like he thinks he’s the only one that’s busy!” Carver grumbled. 

“Don’t worry, Little Hawke, I’m sure Big Hawke here will find a good mission for you in the mean time.” The dwarf patted the man’s back. 

“Right. If not I can always have you take the dog on a run! Wouldn’t want him to get too out of shape.” She laughed as the trio loudly made their way back out of the clinic. Anders sighed himself before shaking his head to regain the focus he needed to continue his work. After such an event, all he could find himself was annoyed and maybe slightly curious. Thankfully the steady stream of work helped keep his mind far from the new storm which had begun to brew in his life.

True to her word, Hawke came back later that evening when he was closing up the clinic. She entered alone, however, he could see the shadow of Carver standing near the entrance. Was he her body guard or something? Anders thought, but the two mages continued talking regardless of the extra company. Seems her curiosity of the Wardens needed to be sated much to his annoyance. But after a few minutes, she arrived at her original question about entering the Deep Roads.

Honestly, Anders had no reason or desire to ever see the Deep Roads again. Too many painful memories. Too many sensations being so close to the Darkspawn. There was nothing that would make him return. However, he had heard the name ‘Hawke’ many times since his arrival to Kirkwall. He never expected the particular menace as was described would be the woman in front of him though. He would have pictured … well, Carver. But none of that mattered to him. If she was indeed that ‘Hawke’ then perhaps she could help him with his own problem. And so, he proposed a deal. She would help him let Karl escape the Gallows and in return she could have his maps of the Deep Roads.

That night of the Karl’s escape, however, continued to plague him like a nightmare even months later, no matter how many times he wishes to forget. The sight of Karl as he slowly lost all the color and clarity in his eyes as he once again succumbed to being Tranquil. Hawke offered him the choice with what to do with Karl, but part of Anders didn’t want to have the responsibility, allowing the possibility he could place the blame on someone other than himself. But Hawke was right (as she would turn out to be often), and so he made the choice to take that life away. He couldn’t stand to see anyone, let alone someone he loved, becoming a shell of a human being.

Later when they returned to the clinic with Hawke’s other companions (Carver, Varric- the dwarf from before, and Aveline - a heavily clad warrior from the guards) of course there were questions about his ‘glowing performance’. He had expected that much at least, so he answered them as best he could. He was prepared for hatred and fear but received only curious stares and a few witty comebacks. Now that did surprise him, but what affected him the most was when one of Hawke’s witty comments were a blatant come-on.

Ah, well, perhaps that was her personality, he wagered. So he responded politely and gave her the maps she had requested. He also volunteered his help and services should she need them during her travels. Perhaps a few times away from the clinic would do him some good. It also wouldn’t hurt to be able to speak to a fellow mage from time to time. Hawke smiled like she had received a present and said her farewells taking with her companions. It was quick, but Anders would have sworn he caught a glare from Carver before the party turned the corner out of his clinic.

A few weeks passed, and Anders had been invited to a few missions with Hawke and her friends. Of course Carver seemed to always be around and he apparently didn’t like Anders too much, though he couldn’t exactly point out why. Such a strange child, he thought. It was obvious even after the few times they were together that Carver had some sort of resentment to his older sister, never quite excelling as she did. And Varric always seemed to use that point to tease him only exacerbating it further. Though, Anders often played along too so he wasn’t exactly innocent.

Eventually one evening, Hawke visited him alone in the clinic - a welcomed surprise even as Anders had a habit of darting his eyes towards the door looking for that ever present shadow. But it never showed. It was good that she came, he thought he had wanted to speak to her privately since they met. She had turned into a small breath of fresh air down in these musty sewers.

Anders apologized for a few angered outbursts regarding Justice. And like the Saint she always seemed to be, Hawke soothed him by saying she didn’t mind. He was happy to have someone who didn’t look at him like a monster. However, when her next comment hinted towards something else entirely, his body felt tingles throughout, then a wave a heat, finally ending being frozen solid. It seems her usual flirty banter was serious which could not be tolerated… not with him. 

“No. Don’t go there. That’s not going to end well.” He shook his head and walked away. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Hurt me?” She asked carefree. “Why? I might like it.” She said in a sultry voice. 

“No.” Anders replied firmly as he tried to walk further away. Anything to try to keep her from trying to get inside his heart, or worse for her to place him into hers. “You saw what I did in the Chantry. That’s who I am.” He sat on the edge of one of the cots as he ringed his hands in frustration. He brought them up to his forehead to shield himself from her piercing blue gaze. “A year ago, we might have had something, but I’m not that man anymore.” His voice was quiet almost as if he were speaking to convince himself. Soon he looked back up to her finally meeting her eyes, “I might break your heart.” But her stare was so intense and he glance away. “And that might kill me as surely as the Templars.”

Hawke wanted to reach out to him, comfort him, but she knew that would only give her the opposite response. So she stood back with her normal smile plastered on her face, with just a few cracks showing from being outright rejected. “Ah, good thing I’m made of steel, then right?” She forced a laugh before stopping abruptly, seems her laugh seemed even more forced than she had hoped. “Well, whatever the circumstances, I hope that you’ll continue to help during the missions. Besides, it’s nice to have another mage to talk to again.” Her voice cracked a bit as she registered her words and stammered to try to cover them. “W-well, one that’s not Merrill, you know. It’s hard to get a good conversation out of her that doesn’t end with flowers, bunnies, or blood magic.” Another forced laugh before she quickly managed a farewell, and escaped out of the door.

The following day was a little quiet in the clinic - like a long overdue rest, Anders felt. But it didn’t stop the uneasy feeling in his stomach as he constantly looked towards the clinic doors at every footfall near the entrance. He told himself he wasn’t waiting on anyone in particular, so why should he be disappointed when each person was only a patient?

The next few days were much the same, however as they dragged on and on, Anders eventually found himself leaning against the door frame searching the area around the clinic. Surely, he would see a mass of long flowing tied blonde hair fluttering towards him any moment now, right? But as the sunlight receded and the sewers went black save for the lanterns set up throughout, Anders sighed and went back into his clinic to clean up. He was lost in thought that he didn’t hear the footsteps enter until the intruder gave a small announcing cough.

Anders turned quickly fearing the templars finally catching up to him but was surprised to see Varric standing there next to the door. 

“You done for the day, Blondie?” He asked. 

“Ah. Yes. I was just putting away some supplies.” He replied as he mechanically went about clearing and refilling bottles. He nearly held his breath in anticipation waiting for the dwarf to respond. He knew that if anyone knew anything about Hawke it would be Varric. Those two were nearly inseparable. And when Varric’s duties (which Anders wasn’t exactly sure, nor did he want to know) kept him from participating in missions, he always asked Hawke for every detail so he could record them into some epic hero tale. 

“It’s been a while since you’ve come around. I was just making sure you were still alive and not down here with a shiv sticking out of you balled up in a corner or something.”

“That was… very descriptive, Varric.” His hands stopped moving from the bottles. 

“What can I say, my story-telling skills aren’t something I can turn on and off.”

“I suppose not.” Anders said and stood back up and held his hands out. “As you can see I’m alive and well. Anything else I can help with.”

A few moments of silence as the dwarf seemed to absorb the scene like he was ready to put into words. “Well, I can tell that you’re alive, but if this is ‘well’ then perhaps you’re the one that needs to see a doctor. Sure you’re sleeping enough, Blondie?”

“I’m sleeping fine, Varric. And I don’t see-”

“Hawke said the same thing, you know. And she was lying too.” Anders froze at the mention of the name. 

“Well, I could send over some herbs to help sleep if she-” he paused, “-but that’s not what you’re here for, is it?”

“Ah, I knew you were a smart one. Is mind reading included in your list of magic tricks?” Varric joked. Anders sighed to himself at the thought. If only it were true then maybe he wouldn’t feel so anxious. “Well, you see, Hawke-” he paused to see Anders flinch at the name and continued his story with a smirk. “It’s been a few days, but she hasn’t been acting like herself, you know. Well, not that most people would see it since she does a good job of acting like nothing’s wrong. But I guess if you’re close enough to her you see these little, how would you describe it - cracks, in her mask that she’s putting on.”

He circled the room glancing about as he spoke. “I asked her about it and of course she just joked about being hungover or excited about beating up bad guys, oh and my favorite that it was a full moon. But something happened, right?” He paused and looked towards the mage. “Something, with you?”

Anders looked up and tried to respond but his mouth was completely dry and unable to form words. 

“Well, I’m not here to blame you or anything. Just wanted to hear what happened, since Hawke wouldn’t tell me. Which is strange since she’s usually so open about her life, except … when it comes to you, Blondie.”

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Anders stammered as he tried to look away. 

“Okay, don’t tell me. How about I tell you what I think happened, and you let me know? It can only be one of two things: She came down and confessed to you which you rejected and broke her heart, or she came down asking for a potion to turn her into a dragon so that she could fly away with Fenris and make sweet spiky love to him?”

“There’s no such potion!” Anders nearly yelled. 

“Oh, so it was the first one?”

“Ah.” Anders was caught like a spider in a web. Damn that dwarf was a tricky one. 

“Well, I didn’t come interfere with your personal life, Blondie. Just want all the facts for her story, you know. Should make a good chapter about how her first love was scorned. Hopefully it won’t change her personality for good, you know. Grow all cold and distant. Or maybe that would be a good character arc. Guess we’ll have to see.” He looked back towards Anders who was lost in his own thoughts at the dwarf’s words. 

“Anyway, it’s getting late. You should get some sleep. I’m going to go write a few things down before I drift off myself. Don’t work too hard.” Varric said with a smile and a wave as he sauntered out of the clinic leaving Anders alone with thoughts swirling about Hawke even more so than before the dwarf’s appearance.


	2. Secrets and Scales - The Prequel (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the Prequel story to 'Secrets and Scales'

The following day, after speaking to a local merchant in Hightown about some disturbances in a mine aptly called the ‘Bone Pit’, Hawke, Varric, and Carver were on their way to the Keep.

“Didn’t he say that he pledged his services to you or something, sister?” Carver mumbled as they walked. 

“Lay off him, kid. He got some news about that Danarius fellow so he went off. No problem.” Varric chuckled beside him. 

“The dwarf’s right, Carver. Fenris is an adult and can do what he needs to.” Hawke glanced at her younger, taller brother. “Besides, I didn’t think you liked him all that much.”

“I don’t like him! It’s just…”

“Oh! I get it! You’d rather deal with Fenris than you would with Aveline? So the lesser of two evils if you will?” Varric slapped his knee as he laughed. 

“No! It’s just that…She nags… alot.” The tall man sulked.

“Well, Carver, you sort of deserve it.” Hawke joked.

“Gotta agree with the Big Hawke, here.” Varric joined in.

“Shut up.” 

The rest of the short trip continued the same as they went to Aveline to explain the quest. She made sure it wouldn’t interfere with her guard duties and brought along her pack for the trip, and the four made their way for the outskirts of town.

As they walked, Hawke could feel the intensity as Aveline’s eyes were trained on her in a deadly stare. Sometimes, she was sure that Aveline had a terrible ability to read minds - something she desperately wished were not true, especially at the moment. So Hawke tried her best defense… humor. 

“Aveline, if you keep it up with all these passionate stares, I won’t know how to contain myself.” She fake blushed and looked away hoping to ease some tension.

“I’m not sure that I would call it passionate.” Aveline said flatly.

“Ah, but you would call it stares?” Hawke teased. “And here I am with no gift to accept your seduction.” Varric laughed heartily at the scene.

“I’m not trying to seduce you, Hawke. But I see that you’re back at your bad habit again.” Aveline’s voice was devoid of any levity. 

“Ah…. bad habit? Can’t be. I don’t see any alcohol around. Do you Varric?”

“Nope, could use some though.” he replied. 

“Not that.” Aveline responded.

“Though, sister, you should stop trying to kiss people when you’re drunk. It’s getting embarrassing.” Carver added quietly, earning a glare from his older sister. 

“Your habit to try to hide something wrong with you by covering it up. I can see it all over your face.” Aveline stopped and pointed towards Hawke. 

“Eh? I don’t do that. Nothing’s wrong besides the fact that we’ve been walking all day and not seen a single bandit. Do you think we scared them all away? Ha!” She forced a fake laugh.

“There it is again.” Aveline said, pointing at a small twitch near the edge of her left eye. 

Curiously, Carver began to stare down to his sister at the area in which Aveline pointed trying to see what he was missing. “I don’t see anything.”

“Huh? Well, I know my eyes are beautiful, Aveline. But no need to get all mushy out here in front of my brother. B-Besides, if you’re looking for better descriptive words, I’m sure Varric-” She turned looking for help from the scrutinizing stares.

“Nah-uh, Hawke. Aveline’s right. It’s written all over your face.” Varric added, dashing Hawke’s hopes of a distraction.

“Where?! I don’t see anything.” Carver exclaimed peering quite closely to Hawke’s face. “Is she sick?”

“Well, some sort of sickness.” Varric mumbled. 

“Oh. Well, then if that’s the case then you should go visit that feather guy, right? He’s a healer. Hmm.. Anders, yeah?” Carver mused out loud. The small twitch Hawke gave at the name did not go unnoticed by Aveline or Varric. 

“N-No. Carver. I’m fine. Not sick at all! Plus, he’s not the only one who knows healing magic. I’m a mage too, you know.” She tried to puff out her chest.

“Oh, so, all mages are healers then?” Varric teased. 

“Well, not necessarily. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be too. So. Don’t worry Carver. I’m not sick. There’s nothing on my face.” She said with pointed glares towards Aveline and Varric. “And just think after this mission we’re only a few pieces of gold shy of going to the Deep Roads.”

“Well, I suppose you’re right, sister. Besides there’s nothing written on your face anyways.” He said with a shrug and continued walking ahead. Hawke only sighed before following behind him. 

Aveline soon matched her pace as they walked and quietly said, “I may not be the best source of advice, but I am willing to listen if you need an ear, Hawke.”

“I’m perfectly…” Hawke glanced up with her normal plastered grin and froze before dropping the smile with a sigh. “Well, there’s not much to say, but thanks for the offer.”

“Anytime. You know, I think of you like my own family.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get all mushy.” Hawke smirked.

“Hey, if you guys don’t walk faster we’ll never get there and beat up some bad guys.” Carved yelled back at the girls.

“Oh, that’s right, Carver. I had been meaning to ask you about some suspicious rumors I had heard about someone who has been trying to chat up all the guardsmen asking for them to put in a good word to the Captain…” Aveline began as she quickened her pace to walk alongside Carver who desperately was trying to avoid her gaze. 

“Don’t go easy on him, Red.” Varric called out from Hawke’s other side. 

The group of four made it through the Bone Pit and found out what happened to the workers. And after defeating the nest of dragonlings and a larger dragon which put up a struggle with it’s attackers. They made their way back to Kirkwall. The trip home felt longer than the original trip, but that may be due to the exhaustion from the fight, Hawke convinced herself as she was aware of their slower pace. 

However, it wasn’t until after they dropped off Aveline and the other three made it into Lowtown that Carver finally staggered to his knees. 

“Carver!” Hawke yelled as she ran to her younger brother’s side. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing. Just tired from the trip.” He wheezed as he breathed in. “I guess.” He attempted a weak smile. 

“No. What’s wrong!” Hawke yelled scanning him for any visible blood but found none. “Was it from when the dragon grabbed you? You said you weren’t hurt!”

“Didn’t want … to worry… you.” 

“Dammit. Carver!” She yelled as her mind went blank with what to do. She just stared at her brother who was grimacing with pain. 

“…ders.” She heard briefly, then again louder. “Anders. GET HIM TO ANDERS HAWKE.”

Before she can think she nods and begins to place Carver’s arm around her neck to support him, but then Varric’s words hit her and she shot a terrified glance at him as she hesitates. 

“Go, now!” Varric yells and Hawke takes off as quickly as she can practically dragging her larger brother beside her. 

Down in the Darktown sewers, the mage in question is seeing off his final patient of the day with a small sigh as he shuts the door. Another day with no resolution for his personal problem, but thankfully his work and Justice keep his thoughts from being swayed too much. 

That is until the loud sound of footsteps come up to the door, he freezes for a moment when he hears the knocking on the door. Everyone knows that once he turns off the lantern outside that he’s not accepting anyone. Could it possibly be the Templars? He readies himself to grab his staff when a voice from outside pierces right through him. 

“Anders!” Hawke wails as she hits the door with her non-supporting hand. “Anders, help!”

That word ‘help’ brought Anders out of his thoughts and had him nearly flying at the door and unlocked it. As he did, the first pair of eyes he saw were those brilliant shade of clear blue which had engraved themselves on his memory. However this time they were filled with pain and worry. In an instant he looked over to see Carver who was completely slouched over being held up by his sister groaning in pain. Without hesitation, Anders slung Carver’s other arm over his shoulder, ignoring the loud wail of pain and the two mages brought him to one of the cots in the clinic. 

Quickly, Anders set about calling forth some healing magic and soon found the disturbance was in his chest area. As he worked, he gave simple commands to Hawke to grab him certain potions or poultices throughout the clinic and after a time or so calling her name she was ready to help. 

It all took a few hours, but Anders was able to help the younger Hawke sibling, finding that at some point during the fight with the mature dragon, he ended up getting knocked away breaking two of his ribs. And since the stubborn gene is strong in the Hawke family he failed to tell anyone about it until it was nearly too late.

According to Anders he had fixed the bones, however it would take some time for the bruising and pain to go away completely. It would best if the younger Hawke rested for a while. Anders conveyed all that to Varric the following day while Carver was asleep and Hawke was glued to his side staring down worriedly at him. Ever since Anders finished his spells and the grimace of pain fled from Carver’s face Hawke never left his side all throughout the night sometimes mumbling to herself as she sat. 

Just as Varric was leaving - presumably to go tell Hawke’s mother that her children would be coming home that evening he reached out and pat Ander’s arm. “You did good, Blondie. Glad you can heal bones and make them like new.”

Anders glanced over to the siblings and sighed. “If only I could use it to heal other types of pain, too.”

Varric smirked, which was unseen by the distracted healer. “Ah, but. Isn’t that only something you can do as well?” Anders quickly looked at the dwarf who only grinned wider in response. “Well, I’ll leave the two Hawkes with the only man in Kirkwall who seems to adore feathers and take Bianca and head back to our suite. Night night, Blondie.” As usual he waved as he walked away smiling to himself as he thought about how to best spin the upcoming events into his tale.

Anders sighed and closed the door after the dwarf completely worried how he would be portrayed to future audiences, but seeing Hawke’s slumped shoulders as she looked after Carver was a bit more heartbreaking than he wanted to see.

“He’s going to be fine, you know.” Anders said quietly, Hawke briefly glanced up. “He just needs some rest… as do you. Look at the dark circles-” He reached out towards her face before stopping mere centimeters away. He withdrew his hand clenching his fingers into a fist. “Ah. Well. You wouldn’t want the first thing he sees when he wakes up to be you looking like you’re going to pass out, would you?” Anders tried to lighten the mood. 

“Thank you.” Hawke said quietly, it was barely able to be heard. “I’m not sure what I’d do if I lost someone else. I-” Hawke stopped and looked down. “Sorry. I don’t mean to bother you with my problems.”

“Ah. No, it’s fine. You can talk to me… well, you may not want to after… everything but I’d like to still be your friend.” Anders sat down next to her trying to look her in the eyes. Once he succeeded he smiled and Hawke smiled lightly back. 

“What? And look uncool in front of you? I don’t think so.” A light chuckle escaped her lips. 

“Oh, so up until now that’s been you looking cool?” Anders teased. 

“Well, of course.”

“Like when that one merchant sold you some pot filled with ‘magic water’?”

“How was I supposed to know it wasn’t magic?”

“You’re a mage, arent you?”

“Yes!”

“Or how about when you got drunk in the Hanged Man and started blowing fire like you were a dragon?”

“Well, I don’t … exactly remember that.”

“You were up on the table roaring and everything.”

“L-Like I said.”

“You even got escorted out by Aveline after the guards were called to calm the disturbance.”

“Well, I do remember that particular lecture.”

“So… that’s you being cool?”

“Well, I wouldn’t be human if I were perfect, right?”

“Don’t worry, Hawke. I think you’re cool enough.”

“For a friend, you mean.”

“Yes… As a friend.”

“Right.” Hawke smiled bitterly to herself. “Well, don’t worry, Doc. As soon as he wakes up I’ll drag the big guy back to the house to rest.”

“I could help you.”

“Well, that’s okay. I’m pretty strong you know. I can still carry him at least that far.”

“Oh? Well that’s impressive.” Hawke grinned at the praise. “If you don’t mind I can come by in a few days and check on his progress.” Anders offered.

“Uh. Sure. That’d be great.” Hawke smiled a bit as she looked towards her sleeping brother. “Oh, and … if you’re not too busy maybe you can come on a mission… if you want to.”

“Absolutely. If you’ll have me.”

“Please! Haha. It’s clear I can’t do much about healing magic. Couldn’t even help my own brother.” She sulked as she looked down in shame.

“Oh, well, I could also… teach you a little bit for the times when I’m not around?”

“That’d be great!” She said excitedly before catching herself and saying more quietly. “I’d appreciate it.”

“Sure.”

A few hours later, Carver woke up a small groan escaping his lips. He saw the unfamiliar ceiling and sat up on his elbows and realized he didn’t feel the same terrible pain from the night before. He glanced around and recognized the clinic and saw Anders hunched over a desk in the corner. Before Carver could speak, however, Anders placed his index finger over his lips and pointed down. Carver followed his instruction to spy Hawke bent over his cot with her head rested over her folded arms on top of his legs. Seems she fell asleep waiting for him, though with the shifting of her pillow she woke up groggily much to Anders’ dismay.

True to her word, after a few words of gratitude (even if they were forced by one grumpy party) and farewells, Hawke escorted her younger brother back to their current Lowtown home. Anders sighed a bit as the sounds of their footsteps faded away. He was happy that it seemed the thick tension had ebbed away somewhat, but now… it was replaced with a small but noticeable squeezing sensation in his chest. Unfortunately for the healer, this was something even his magic wouldn’t be able to help.


	3. Secrets and Scales - The Prequel (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of the Prequel story to 'Secrets and Scales' - Final chapter (Smut Warning)

The following weeks, Anders was able to participate in a few missions including meeting the pirate captain Isabela. Anders was invited more and more to hang around with Hawke and her rag-tag group of friends, usually corralling at the Hanged Man over drinks. They eventually got into a habit of playing Wicked Grace, which Anders could not be any worse at. Honestly, Merrill was better… or just had some sort of blind luck, he wasn’t sure.

It’s difficult to say they were happy days what with the constant Qunari threat amongst a growing unease with Mages and Templars, but sometimes when behind the tavern doors one could make believe all was well. However, it was in these moments when Anders really began to feel perhaps something was wrong with him.

He had known ever since he Carver’s accident and recovery that there was some tight feeling in his chest, not to mention a sharp pang at times, usually when he saw Hawke get a bit too close to other men… specifically that elf. But unfortunately the powerful mage couldn’t quite put two and two together to figure out the cause, even if it were painfully obvious to a certain dwarf. Not to mention the woman in question wasn’t helping matters… or maybe she was.

Hawke made it a point to try not to be too close to Anders finding herself all to aware of his every movement. She thought it best to be away from him, but actively tried not to altogether ignore him… or in short she TRIED to be casual about the whole thing. But she was failing so she ramped up her efforts. She would sit away and act merry to mask her discomfort. Varric, of course, merely chuckled at the display finding the portrayal unbelievable, but when the feathered mage began to show signs of jealousy… maybe Hawke was onto something.

It didn’t take long for the Hawke siblings to close in on collecting the 50 gold pieces to go on the Deep Roads Expedition. Hawke, herself was quite resourceful in getting people to pay her to cause mischief of some kind, and little brother Carver wouldn’t let his older sister to have all the fun. Varric generally followed the siblings around lest he miss a viable scene for his story. Depending on the mission, Hawke would choose another one of her friends to join, meaning Anders didn’t get to see her nearly as much as he would have wanted to.

Hawke did come to visit him down in the clinic, which Anders always looked forward to. However, she always had at least one other person in tow, generally a disgruntled Carver. As promised Anders taught her some helpful healing magic, on the rightfully grumpy guinea pig, er, brother. Seems Hawke had some sort of dirt on her younger brother and was holding it over him to make him be a ‘willing’ participant in her studies. Carver and Anders didn’t speak much during the lessons, leaving Hawke to be the main source of conversation, which she tried to make it less awkward that it could have been.

Thankfully, Carver was a bit aloof to more subtle awkwardness in the clinic which was a blessing and a curse, honestly. Hawke steadily improved with some basic healing spells, much to her younger brother’s relief. He was sure she was going to make him grow another hand or something will all her mistakes, but at least Anders was nearby to help direct her away from that much tragedy. However, he’d never admit he was grateful for the male mage’s presence.

And so Hawke and Varric approached Bartrand with their plan for the Deep Roads. And Although Bartrand seemed set at denying their efforts, the sound of several clinks of gold inside of a satchel were just enough to set his mind and pockets at ease. Bartrand told Hawke and Varric they could bring only two others along since they were going to be travelling for a while and needed to keep ration supplies as long as they possibly needed. So Hawke called for all of her friends to meet at the Hanged Man.

There was no exact shortage of volunteers out of her comrades, not that anyone was just biting at the chance to travel the underground ruins crawling with monsters. Carver, however immediately barked up nearly outraged that his sister even considered once that he wasn’t going on the trip. Hawke tried to reason with him knowing full well, that their mother was not going to be okay with the answer. All of that meaning quite little to the young bull-headed Hawke.

Which left one viable spot open. Hawke knew from Fenris that he was getting close to some answers about Danarius so she didn’t pursue his efforts. And while Isabela had recently joined their crew and was a skilled fighter, Hawke still had not known her long enough yet. And Merrill, well… Merrill couldn’t go because Carver got all twitchy at the thought. Hawke had seen her towering hulk of a brother reduced to a school boy when he talked to the little dalish elf. It was sort of innocent and cute. And Carver did NOT like the idea that she could get hurt dealing with darkspawn. Which was laughable considering her own blood magic ties but Carver didn’t seem to put that together well in his head.

So that left Aveline or Anders. Hawke had nearly considered the other mage to not be a choice at his vehement disgust at mentioning the Deep Roads when they met. Plus she had no intentions of forcing him to go especially when their currently friendship seemed so unstable. So she was surprised when she heard a very steady “I’ll go.” from Anders voice across the table. His affirmative response eliciting a confused look from everyone around. 

“Are you sure?” Hawke asked, disbelief weighing heavy in her voice.

“Well, I’m not exactly thrilled at tossing myself back into the Deep Roads exactly, but I am the only one who has been there and my skills would be of assistance, should we need them.”

“Blondie’s right.” Varric piped in. “No one else can sense the Darkspawn down there.”

“Right.” Anders affirmed. “Is that okay with you, Hawke?”

“Of course, we would certainly be grateful for your help.” Hawke smiled perhaps a bit too big before catching herself and continuing. “W-Well, since that’s settled, how about I pay for some drinks - I’ve got a little left over after getting everything together for Bartrand!”

The drinks continued to flow throughout the night as a few members got more and more drunk.

“Sounds great, Hawke!” Varric loudly cheered. “Plus if everything goes to plan, you’ll be the richest Fereldan in all of Kirkwall.”

“I think you mean second richest.” Carver butt in. “Since I’ll be killing more darkspawn, I should get a bigger cut of the gold.”

“Oh, ho! Little Hawke finally trying to get out of Big Hawke’s shadow, huh?” Varric teased. “But I’m afraid if we go by numbers alone, you won’t be able to compete with me and my beautiful Bianca, Junior.”

“Big talk from such a little man.” Carver joked, words beginning to slur. Aveline sat quietly in her seat sipping her drink slowly - if Hawke’s little group of friends got too rowdy she would need to settle them down quickly. Wouldn’t want anyone else from the Guard to see her in the middle of the chaos.

Isabela was trying to teach Merrill the actual rules to Wicked Grace but wasn’t getting very far with the tipsy elf. Hawke, who had been up for nearly three days straight at this point securing all the funds and additional resources for the trip had become quite sleepy after several drinks and began to doze off on Fenris’ shoulder, who thankfully was not wearing his normal spiked pauldrons that evening. Fenris noticed and silently took on the distinguished duty of being Hawke’s pillow for the moment, trying not to move which might disturb her.This scene ruffled Anders’ feathers at the thought that anyone other than he would be allowed to touch her but as he noticed his own reaction he tried to act as if nothing had happened, quietly sipping on his drink while continuing to glare at Fenris. Varric chuckled at the mage. 

When it was finally time to leave, Varric commented that someone should probably wake up Hawke, noting that whoever did had better be prepared for a sloppy smooch. Their illustrious leader truly had a reputation for herself, having kissed practically everyone at the table, Carver rolled his eyes. Anders quickly perked up ready to volunteer for the job, if anyone were to take the bullet so to speak, he’d be a martyr for their cause. However, he was too late as Aveline quickly pulled Hawke off of Fenris’ shoulder by lifting her by the arm. She expertly dodged a drunken kiss before dragging her and a stammering Carver off to the Hawke’s Home. 

The following day, a slightly hungover Hawke stood… leaned… in the bright of day in front of Bartrand as he began his description of the plan for the Deep Roads Expedition. Leandra of course made her pleas to Carver to reconsider going on the trip, but as stubborn hard-headedness runs strong within the Hawke bloodline he declined. And so, Hawke, Carver, Varric, and Anders made their way with the scouting party down to the Deep Roads. True to Varric’s prediction, the expedition was certainly life changing for Hawke and her family.

As Hawke’s footfalls finally crossed into Kirkwall’s Lowtown, she stopped. Her glazed eyes absently scanned the marketplace as her mind wandered back to what felt like distant memories of her and Carver in their first year trying to make end’s meat and survive in this new country. It was tough, but when had their life been easy? They took it in stride together with the hope that the fruits of their labor would bring back their Mother’s family name. Now back in the same slum town, Hawke had the fruits of their labor, but lacked one tall grumpy brother. 

Hawke barely registered Varric’s declaration for vengeance against Bartrand, not when it finally occurred that she would have to inform her mother of the bad news. And even worse that she had no idea if Carver was alive or not, but that even if he was alive, he was not coming back home. Anders noted her turmoil and offered to walk her back home, but with little recognition, she trudged off in the direction of Gamlen’s house. 

It would be a few days before Hawke was seen outside of her Uncle’s home, one that she and her mother were readily moving out of. With the Amell’s wills and paperwork along with Hawke’s newly acquired money, they easily swayed the Viscount to take back possession of Leandra’s childhood home. It was bittersweet in the end, being a home much too large for only two people. So, Hawke quickly made sure that it was never quite that lonely. She brought on board Bodhan and his son Sandal, the two dwarves she met on the Deep Roads Expedition. Eventually adding Orana the elf and her myriad of friends who dropped by at any given time. 

Hawke did her best to keep a happy exterior, but look long enough or at just the right time, and one could see how hard she really was trying. Anders noticed of course, but one could attribute that to the fact that he always seemed to be looking at her. Even while in the full company of their friends, his eyes always landed on her frame as if he couldn’t wait to take in even more sights of her expressions. Unfortunately, he couldn’t be considered subtle what his outright staring leaving all of their friends to snicker to themselves. Well, snicker and brood respectively. 

Hawke, tried to keep her mind off of the possible (quite evident) signs that Anders was sending assuming it was nothing more than her own desires tainting her perspective. It didn’t exactly stop her flirting, though one could also say she did the same with all her companions, though only with Anders was the intention genuine. But they were only fooling themselves. Honestly, the rest of Hawke’s companions had placed bets with Varric as to when the bumbling blondes would finally get together and put them all out of their misery. 

So, it came as a surprise to both of them when while visiting Anders alone, when he mentioned how grateful he was that Hake being a mage was helping the mage rebellion and Hawke’s flirty (but serious) reply that she was doing it just for him.

“I’m still a man. You can’t tease me like this and expect me to resist forever.” Anders lamented, sounding pained. 

Hawke barely replied before her lips were covered by his, desperate and hungry. And though initially shocked, she nearly instantly became just as ferocious as he did. As he noticed, Anders let out a mix between a moan and a sigh, finally tasting what had only been a distant hope for some three years. Like a stranded man in a desert who finally reaches the water, he clutched at her clothes trying to bring her even closer. All too soon though a burning in his chest from the lack of oxygen pricked at his thoughts and he nearly pushed them away deciding that it would hurt more to pull away right now than to suffer from suffocation. It was Hawke who finally pulled away enough to gasp for breath, which passed over Anders bruising lips. 

He sought her lips again, but at the last moment halted, their lips brushing ever so slightly with every rasping breath. 

“This will be a disaster.” He nearly whispered, seemingly to himself averting his eyes before returning to her questioning stare. “But I can’t live without it.” Hawke physically relaxed at his words, her fears momentarily far away. “We could die tomorrow, and I don’t want it to be before I tell you how I feel.”

As if she were completely entranced by his words, Hawke breathlessly replied, “Don’t tell me, show me.” She leaned forward trying to seek out his searing kiss once again only to be stopped by his fingers. The fragrance of elfroot which felt as if it were permanently apart of Ander’s own unique smell bringing her out of her daze. 

“I thought, with Justice, this part of my life was over.” He signed then continued. “I can’t give you a normal life. If you’re with me, we’ll be hunted, hated, the whole world will be against us.” Anders paused and looked very determinedly at Hawke before making his final declaration. “If your door is open tonight, I will come to you. If not, I’ll know you took my warning at last.” His eyes lingered very briefly on her lips as he removed his fingers. Hoping to himself that it would not be the last time he would feel their softness. A final glance before he turned away and walked back to his poultices, a sure signal to Hawke that their fate would be left to her. 

That evening Hawke stood before the fireplace in her room staring aimlessly into the pile of flickering light. Her arm perched on the high mantle supporting her head which rest upon it, she let out a sigh. Each creak from the house or rustle outside the window made her hold her breath in suspense waiting for footsteps within the house. A few times she did hear steps approaching, only to be thoroughly disappointed when Thrandruil poked his nose inside her bedchambers. After a quick scolding the large dog would whimper and turn around in defeat walking back downstairs to his post. A dejected huff and he plopped himself down on the rug in front of the dying embers in the fireplace.  
It was quite late in the night, no at this point one could call it the following morning, and Hawke let out yet another sigh. She had told herself she would be patient and wait... but when has patience ever been her strong suit? A few more long moments of silence when she heard her bedroom door open again and her blood boiled at the thought. She whipped her head around to yell at the marbari.  
“Thrandruil I thought I told you I didn’t want anyone in my room-” The end of her sentence lost when she saw her visitor. Anders stood near frozen inside of the door frame, his hand still holding the handle. His eyes darted from Hawke’s shocked expression back to the door.  
“Ah... I apologize. I didn’t mean to disturb.” He quickly turned on his heel.  
“W-Wait!” Hawked yelled out desperately as she reached towards him and Anders’ movements stopped. “Er... I didn’t mean you. It’s just... I uh... was waiting... and the dog... and... Andraste’s ass I’m bad at this.” Hawke’s shoulders slumped in embarrassment.  
Anders stood a bit amused at her reactions but held his smile within. This felt like such a delicate time between the two of them, he didn’t want to mess anything up. As he turned back around the sight of the formidable Champion of Kirkwall as she fidgeted with the hem of her clothes strengthened his resolve. “So, may I come in?”  
“Y-Yeah! YES. Ahem... Yes.” She finally said as calm as possible after clearing her throat. This time, Anders was unable to stifle his chuckle as he quickly shut the door behind him.  
“Maker, you’d think I was some naive school-girl with her first crush.” Hawke mumbled to herself. A deep breath and she finally looked up towards her visitor with a grin. “Well, now that I’ve thoroughly and painfully embarrassed myself while trying to look cool, shall we move on?”  
“Oh? This was you trying to look cool?” Anders teased.  
“Well, I confess, it went a bit differently in my head.” Hawke chided herself. “But you’re here.” She paused and looked down once more. “I wasn’t sure you would come.” Hawke glanced up towards Anders has he slowly made his way towards her.  
“Justice... does not approve of my obsession with you. He believes that you are a distraction.” Hawke glanced down. She feared as much from the spirit. It was one thing to flirt with Anders, but it would be unwise to forget what lies within.  
“It is... one of the few things on which he and I disagree.” Anders was sure to put clear emphasis on the final word sensing Hawke’s hesitation which brought her beautiful blue eyes back up to meet his.  
A small crinkle of the skin around her eye in an impossibly wide smile. “Well, just so you know, if you hadn’t come, I’d be out looking for you.”  
“Oh?” Anders asked, curiosity piqued.  
“Of course. I’d knock you out and drag you back myself if I needed to.” She boasted. Her bad habit of hiding her insecurity with humor never fails.  
Anders only smiled at her antics until a stray thought passed his mind and the corners of his mouth dropped a bit. “When I was in the Circle, love was only a game. It gave the Templars too much power if there was something you couldn’t stand to lose.” His strong gaze wavered as he looked away. “And it would kill me to lose you.”  
At his words Hawke threw herself at the other mage closing the distance between them. “You aren’t going to lose me.”  
Anders cautiously raised his hand to her cheek, silently relishing in the warmth he felt beneath his palm. “No mage I know has ever dared to fall in love.” His amber eyes met her blue ones as his hand guided her head closer to his. “This is rule I will most cherish breaking.” He says before finally their lips press together in an intense kiss.  
Their breaths went ragged as the kiss grew deeper. Lips parting and tongues mingling together. Anders hands cradled on either side of Hawke’s face while Hawke began to tug at his robe. She shuffled backwards towards the bed and when her legs finally hit the mattress she fell back bringing the other mage toppling with her. The kiss was broken with bouts of laughter bubbling out from both blondes as they looked into each other’s eyes.  
“Eager are we?” Anders teased as Hawke peppered his face and neck with pecks and nibbles to his skin. One particular nip at the pulse point on his neck earning a small moan from the man. Hawke would need to store that bit of information for later dealings.  
“Less talking. More kissing.” Hawke demanded as she raked her hands up into his hair releasing the tie and his beautiful golden locks. She had always wanted to run her hands through his hair and she would definitely take advantage of it as she pulled him down for another searing kiss.  
His hands ran along her sides until they slipped beneath her shirt. When skin met skin, Hawke’s body arched up with a small cry.  
“A-Ah! C-Cold.” She yelped and Anders stopped with a bit of alarm.  
“Apologies, love. Ice magic and all.”  
“N-No. Keep going. It feels great.” She moaned as he ran his hands up her torso grinning a bit at her small shivers. However, while feeling her skin was one thing, he also needed to see it. Her body was the focal point of his dreams for the past three years, his desire for her only heightened by her little mewls of pleasure. He quickly divested her of her clothes leaving her bare on the bed beneath him.  
Anders’ movements came to a halt as he stood before the breathtaking sight before his eyes. His dreams honestly couldn’t have done her any justice. Her long blonde hair splayed beneath her. Her beautiful curves accentuating her ample bosom and hips. Pale skin with small patches of scratches or burns here and there. Marks of her clumsiness and stubbornness he’d wager. But his amber eyes drank in the sight wanting to sear it into his memory for fear that this was still a dream and he would be forced to wake up.  
“Hey.” Hawke said with a little smirk. Her call finally rousing him from his thoughts. “You’re not the only one who wants to see the other naked you know.” She laughed and Anders quickly obliged shedding his outer cloak showing him only in his small-clothes underneath. Hawke raised a questioning brow.  
“I had high hopes you would let me inside the house.” He said smugly as he pushed down his remaining clothing.  
“Oh? And if I had turned you away?” Hawke said her tongue running along her lips at the appetizing sight.  
“Hopefully run into some helpful thugs?” He said innocently as Hawke reached up and around his neck while pulling him down. His weight was comfortable on top of her as they each began to feel each other for the first time. Gasps and moans escaped their bruising lips while broken fragments of each others names filled the air. Eventually the couple rolled leaving Hawke on top of the other mage’s form and she pushed herself up in a seated position. Anders’ hands naturally roamed their way down her body before settling on her hips.  
But Hawke had something else in mind as she shimmied down his frame and quickly off the edge of the bed. Anders instinctively followed her warmth though when she promptly kneeled before his legs hanging from the mattress. The hungry look in her eye stopped him still and he felt a shiver run up his spine. Her blue eyes were pinned on him, keeping him in place, but a small spark as her eyes met his spoke words in the heated silence. He properly obeyed her demand as he slowly widened his legs allowing her room to slip between.  
“You know.” She began speaking in between hot open mouthed kisses she lay on the inside of his thigh working her way up. “You’re not the only one who waited for three years.” She gently nipped at a soft patch of skin leaving a mark, Anders struggled holding back a moan to listen to her voice. “Thinking about what you looked like under all those feathers and clothes. And about this.” She said as her breath ghosted over Anders’ hardening member twitching to life before her. “I’ve waited for this for a while.” She said before quickly swallowing the tip. Anders let out a loud moan as he sank deeper and deeper within her warm mouth.  
No amount of imagination could have really prepared him for this reality. Hawke began to bob up and down his now erect member as her hands alternated from massaging his balls to lightly scratching his thighs. The sensations wreaking havoc on the healer as the coil in his stomach quickly began to tighten in warning. Anders quickly reached down and pulled her head away shivering at the wet pop as her lips left his shaft.  
Through ragged breaths Anders cupped Hawkes face in his hands and pulled her up to him. Hawke was confused at his ministrations worried for a moment that she had done something wrong. “Please, love, together.” He rasped and Hawke looked between their bodies to affirm that far from wrong his member was at full attention and leaking from the tip.  
A small smirk pulled at her lips as she crawled back on the bed. “And what about the legendary stamina of the Grey Wardens I heard rumors of?”  
Anders quickly pushed her down onto the silk sheets of her bed and looked at her with a predatory gleam. “I plan to give you a full demonstration... after the three years of catching up.” He swooped down and brought their lips together again, his tongue diving into her mouth, a small moan when he could taste himself on her. But it was worth it. As Hawke tangled her hands through his hair again, the hand that wasn’t holding up his body snaked down hers until it dipped between her thighs. He moaned when he felt she was already wet and set about pushing his fingers one digit at a time into her wet core.  
The kiss was broken as Hawke’s lungs began to burn at the lack of oxygen, though like Anders before she thought that it wouldn’t be such a bad way to go if she had to choose. But as Anders added a third finger and began pumping her body felt like it was absolutely buzzing - not unlike the feeling of when her electricity coursed through her veins when spellcasting, so much so that she had a fleeting moment of fear that she would electrocute her surroundings. However it was quickly gone as the fingers were removed.  
She wearily opened her eyes - when had she closed them? - as Anders brought his glistening hand to his lips and licked off her dripping essence. The taste on his tongue pulled a moan from his chest at her taste. He vowed to himself to make sure to feast upon her again soon, but right now he needed to be inside her to finally connect them in the way they both craved.  
He reached down and guided his leaking member to her waiting core. A moment of pause as he slid his eyes over her body the picture of debauchery and lust, but in her eyes the scorching fire had not erased the look of pure love and acceptance. He smiled and thought he saw the edges of her mouth curl into a smile as well before he gently rolled his hips forward slipping inside.  
Both mages gasped at this new sensation and Anders began to set up a gentle rhythm with his hips. Hawke wrapped her legs around his waist pulling him deeper and ripping a cry from her lips and her walls tightening around him. Anders grunted as he pushed through not wanting to hurt Hawke, but beginning to lose his control to keep gentle.  
“H-Harder.” Hawke muttered as she pulled Anders closer to her desperate to feel him around her.  
A tremor went through Anders like a bolt of electricity. He wasn’t sure if it was from her or just his imagination but he did as she said and his hips began to thrust more rapidly racing for their completion. As her body was being wracked from his rough thrusts, Hawke choked out that she was getting close, and Anders was nearly there as well. He dipped his head down and the mages kissed as if they were stealing the breath from the other’s lungs to live as Anders’ hips stuttered and after a few more thrusts stars exploded behind Hawke’s eyes. She clenched around Anders in such a way that triggered his own climax.  
Eventually his hips slowed down after riding out the high of their joint completion and he slumped down. Breath steadily coming back to normal. Anders tried to move off of Hawke but her legs kept tight around him. A whine of disappointment from Hawke as he tried to move so he compromised and arranged themselves so that she was laying on top of his chest. The healer would eventually learn that it was only in moments such as these that Hawke truly became clingy for his touch and his very favorite time. So for now the two mages would bask in their connection together eventually falling into a peaceful sleep.  
The following morning, well, it was nearing the mid-day meal really when Anders began to feel stirring in the bed. Hawke was still nestled atop him like a cat and the thought brought a smile to his lips as he reached up and gently combed through her hair. He momentarily thought that he needed to leave soon to open the clinic but he pushed the thought away at the sight of Hawke sleeping peacefully here with him. His smile deepened as he closed his eyes again to drift off.  
But Hawkes stirring alerted him again. She began to writhe and whimper above him. Letting out hot sighs. The sight and moment a bit to close to his lower body to avoid a reaction. But just as he began to react her movements would still enough for him to calm himself. However just as soon as she stopped it would start again more and more intense. Her ministrations eventually left him half hard and aggravated at himself for being so insensitive to a sleeping person. However out of the corner of his eye he saw the edge of her mouth twitch up in a smile.  
With a growl he flipped them over and pinned her beneath. “I see this little kitty gets frisky in the morning, hm?” He asked as Hawke exploded into fits of giggles and eventually opened her eyes to greet her lover.  
“Well, I never did get my demonstration on Warden stamina.” She challenged and leaned up to peck at Anders’ lips.  
“Well, then, oh Champion of Kirkwall, it seems I will have to give you my full attention, I trust your schedule is free for a few days?” He smirked.  
“Absolutely.” She giggled again in excitement.  
“Well, then love. Let’s get started.” He dove in for another kiss as the mages melted into each other again and again and again. Thankfully, or not so thankfully, when Varric tried to drop in on Hawke later that day he was turned away by Bodahn. And although he had been requested not to give the details of why Hawke was unavailable, it is difficult to keep anything away from a smooth talking storywriter, who carries coin in his pocket specifically to gain information on his dear friend.  
But with his interest piqued and mind pushing out detail after salacious detail he was able to keep the rest of their friends from visiting the Hawke estate. Though made sure to give them a hard time once they finally showed back up to the Hanged Man.


	4. Secrets and Scales

It was late one evening as Anders made his way through the darkened streets of Hightown ever wary of any prolonged glances he might of received from the City Guards. Thankfully, however the only sounds he heard on this night was just the sounds of his own footsteps on the stone below. As he approached Hawke’s Estate he stopped before knocking on the wooden door. Maybe he should turn back around, he thought briefly before the sounds of yelling and dog barking inside make him chuckle to himself. No, he couldn’t possibly do that.

He knocked on the door and waited to gain entrance. However, it took a few times of knocking and waiting until he was finally greeted by a very tired looking drawf who tried his best to smile professionally up at the mage.

“Welcome Master Anders. Are you here to see Mistress Hawke?” Bodhan asked.

“Yes. I am. From the ruckus I heard outside, I assume she’s in.” Anders replied as he tried to glance further inside the mansion to see any damage. 

A weary sigh left Bodhan’s lips before he weakly nodded. “Yes. Seems my boy found an amulet and was playing with it and the dog. And the dog went to hide it.” Sandal stood in his corner and waved towards the mage.

“Ah.” Anders nodded in response and laid a hand on the dwarf’s shoulder in pity. He did not envy the man’s job of dealing with this particular household, though one could say he certainly never had a dull day. 

The mage made his way though the mansion his eyes still surveying the home for any surprises which may pop out. Which was fortunate because as he ascended the stairs Thrandruil, the family marbari, barreled his way down past him leaving Anders grasping for the railing to keep himself standing. Taking another glance around less Hawke do the same thing, he found himself up the stairs and heading into Hawke’s bedroom.

And the sight which greeted him inside the bedroom was definitely worth nearly being pummeled by a war-dog. He quietly locked the door behind him as he made his way further inside. He had to stop himself from licking his lips at the sight of Hawke reaching for what he can suspect was the amulet Bodhan mentioned before but with her ass sticking straight up in the air. Honestly those plump curves should be illegal in some parts of the land - or perhaps made into a shrine in Tevinter he mused.  
“Just… a little… further…” Hawke huffed as she tried to pull herself further under the bed, her hips, however, prevented her from going much further. Her fingers just barely brushed the chain. A small cough behind her made her body jump lightly, it was then followed by a low chuckle.

“Should I assume this position was meant to seduce me, Mistress Hawke?” Anders asked as he slowly made his way towards the woman.

“Oh, ha ha.” Hawke replied dryly as she made a final push towards the chain just as Anders was standing directly behind her being sure to really commit the view to memory for later. He should be a little thankful Hawke didn’t see the way he was eyeing her or else he may of been punched, though he may have taken that punishment for his current reward.

Finally, Hawke through sheer will was able to grab the amulet, just as her hips were grabbed from behind and she was pulled from her position out from under the bed. She was quickly flipped and pinned underneath the mage and her lips were covered by his. Once she was finally released she smiled up at him. “As if it took that much to seduce you.” She chuckled and tossed her amulet back up on her desk happy when she heard a successful thunk.

“Clearly you don’t know how everyone looks at you.” Anders growled as he began to pepper her face and neck with hungry kisses. 

“Hmmm… Maybe I’m just a desire demon, here to feed on your lust.” She replied running her hands through his blonde hair. Though the mention of a demon made his and eyes begin to glow a bright blue color as his ministrations stopped. The man before her lifted his head to look at her with a determined stare. “Just kidding, Justice. I’m a human through and through. Can you give me Anders back?”

After another glare, the blue receded and what was left was a slightly disheveled Anders who only looked down to her before resuming his actions as he began to disrobe her. “Why do you feel the need to mess with him?”

“Maybe I like the idea that there’s two of you in there.” Hawke teased and let the Anders’ blond hair fall from their holdings running her fingers more freely than before. “Perhaps I really like playing with Justice.”

“You lie.” He growled into her skin.

“I don’t know. As a mage, I was always fascinated with spirits.” She yelped as Anders gently nipped at her skin. “And that deep voice, is very nice.” Another nip. “Oh, and I absolutely adore the color blue - ow!” The final nip was harder than the others as the man pulled away from her and looked down the look in his eyes sent shivers down her spine. 

Anders stared down towards Hawke with a predatory stare and warned her in a husky voice, “I will have you screaming my name so loud that you won’t be able to even think of another man.”

True to his word, Anders made sure that only his name heard within Hawke’s bedroom that night. He may have overdone it honestly, as it was also made known to everyone in the household and even out into the streets of Hightown that night. Not that Hawke was aware of how loud she truly was, not until the following day, when Fenris kept avoiding her eyes which made her suspicious. Though it was when she was thoroughly scolded by Aveline at the Hanged Man for ‘noise ordinances’ that she finally understood and shot a nasty look towards a very smug looking Anders.

A couple weeks and several official letters of apology later, Hawke woke early in the morning placing a quick kiss on Anders’ cheek and flit off for training practice before the other mage woke up. Recently she found an old mage’s tome which seemed interesting so she began to practice in her free time. She was soon discovered by Fenris one morning and now had a training partner. Though, not that she particularly asked for one, but apparently it was ‘safer’ to have more than one person… not that she didn’t enjoy the company, just didn’t want to feel like she had a babysitter. Even if this babysitter was elven and broody.

Fenris sat off to one side of the little field that Hawke had found and began to use as her ‘training ground’ tending to his equipment. They recently got back from a mission in the mountain caverns and he desperately needed to clean off all the spider… liquids… off of his longsword and armor. It was a quiet morning, until he heard an excited cry from Hawke away from him. He jumped up readying his blade, expecting a fight but saw none save for Hawke herself who was holding a strange colored sword in her hand. The elf paused momentarily making one last sweep of his eyes across the field before finally settling on the woman in front of him.

“I did it!” Hawke beamed holding out the sword for Fenris’ approval. 

“Did what?” he asked in response. 

“I made -” she was cut off as a bright light enveloped the sword in her hand and when it finally receded her normal staff sat in her hands “-awww.” Hawke pouted. 

Fenris may have thought that pout cute had he not been more concerned with the fact that something was clearly going on with her weapon and he needed to know. “What just happened?”

“That tome I found it was about transformation! So I made my staff into a sword. Pretty neat, huh?” She boasted, sticking her chest out with pride.

“It didn’t last very long.” The elf pointed out bluntly earning him a slight glare.

“Hm. Could I say the same for you?” She teased gaining herself a glare in return. “No need to get all feisty, it was a joke! Plus it was my first time - I’ll get better at it.”

“Might I ask, then, why you feel the need to hold a sword? You’re a mage, plus either myself or Aveline usually accompany you on your missions. You should leave the sword fighting to-”

“Sure, sure. But what happens if you’re not there?”

“I’m sure Anders-”

“Yes, but Anders is a mage too. Not that I don’t think he’d be strong enough to fend off an attacker - he was a warden- but you can’t be too careful. Plus! Think of how cool I’d look.” She stuck a heroic pose with her staff pointed like a sword. 

Fenris had to stifle a laugh. “Well, you are the Champion of Kirkwall after all, how much ‘cooler’ do you expect to be?”

“Not sure.” She quipped happily as she beamed up at the elf. “But when I get there, you’ll be the first to know… well maybe second… I don’t know, I’m not good with these things. I’ll let you know, okay?”

“Of course.”

“Which… leads me to my next question… Fenris.” She said in a sultry way, meaning only one thing, she wanted something.

“No.” Fenris’ response was immediate and strong. 

“I didn’t even say anything.” She pouted with a stomp of her foot.

“It’s not what you said, but how you said it, Hawke.” She only huffed in response to the elf. “What do you want?”

“Well, if I’m going to have this cool magic sword.. I probably should have someone teach me how to use it…”

“I stand by my ‘No’ from before. I don’t exactly approve of this little idea of yours.” Fenris crossed his long arms over his chest.

“Well, if you won’t do it, then I’ll have to ask someone else to help, I guess.” She threatened, turning her back towards the elf beginning to take a few steps away.

A heavy sigh behind her brought a smile to her face. “Fine.” He unwillingly agreed. “Knowing your choice in companions, there’s no telling how you’d get hurt.”

“Great! I’ll ignore that last part since I got what I want regardless.” She beamed again at the scowling elf. He always would be weak to her demands.

The two of them began to meet as usual in the mornings for their practice session when they were both in Kirkwall. Hawke always left the mansion before Anders woke up in the morning - he usually got in much later than her from the clinic, best to let him sleep. The practices consisted of Hawke honing her ability to transform her sword and keep it’s shape for as long as needed as well as actual sparring practice with wooden swords. Hawke requested real swords but Fenris would have none of that. However after about a month he reluctantly agreed much to his dismay, again so weak to her.

Hawke had excelled at her transformation magic as well as her sparring, so it he didn’t have much of a defense to begin with. As expected, Hawke picked up the sword quickly, smugly saying that she of course she would be a natural, she was the Champion of Kirkwall. A title she only used when she was bragging about something, otherwise she rather disliked the name.

One morning, however, when Anders woke up he was surprised to feel that instead of the empty bed he had become accustomed to these past few weeks, Hawke was still snuggled up beside him. Not that he was complaining, just more surprised since she was so eager about her secret practice regimen. He didn’t think too much of it, perhaps Fenris had some other plans which did not allow him to train with her. She could use a break every once in a while, he thought to himself as he went about getting ready to head to his clinic. He bathed and got dressed, tried to deny the breakfast that Orana had made stating that she didn’t have to cook for him which definitely went on deaf ears. The elf would usually bat her large eyelashes and state that she was just so used to making big dishes from her previous house and would look up to him like some kicked puppy. So he happily ate all the food, silently passing a slice of meat to Thrandruil under the table.

Usually he and the dog didn’t get along too much. He was more of a cat person, honestly, and the dog probably sensed the aversion and purposefully annoyed him at any chance. The two began their poor relationship once Anders began to stay overnight at the Hawke estate eventually telling Thrandruil that he was not allowed to sleep on the bed with Hawke anymore since that was his place now. Anders quickly regretted that talk since it was that same night when he found himself being smothered by the huge dog on the bed. Apparently if he wanted that place next to Hawke, he’d have to fight the dog for it. Or… at least bribe him with food, which proved much easier.  
Eventually he made his way to the front door to leave when the door opened in front of him revealing Fenris looking a bit more moody than usual. “Did you finish your appointment?” Anders asked tying his feathered cloak.

“Appointment? No.” He said solemnly. 

“Oh?” The blond man asked with a slight tilt of his head. “Then-”

“Is Hawke feeling okay?” The elf asked trying to glance behind the mage as if he could somehow see further into the mansion for his answers as opposed to dealing with the man in front of him.

“…Hawke? She’s… sleeping…”

“Hm.” Fenris mulled over his answer carefully before glancing once again past the mage as a loud rumbling noises were heard towards the direction of the bedrooms. Moments later Hawke pushed open her bedroom door with a bang, her clothes haphazardly about her body and her hair sticking in all directions. Her eyes immediately zeroed in on the men and she cursed loudly before she darted down to them.

Once she arrived slightly out of breath and attempting to push her hair back with her hand she began to speak. “S-Sorry… Fenris… I uh- overslept… looks like…”

“That’s unlike you.” Fenris stated before adjusting the belts on his armor.

“Haha. Just a little out of it, I guess. Not a problem.” She said with her normal smile plastered on her face. “Still able to train this morning?”

“I don’t have anything pressing.”

“Great!” She said with a little bounce on her toes then drew her attention towards her boyfriend. “Have a good day at the clinic - I’ll try to drop by later okay?” She punctuated her last sentence with a small kiss to which Fenris just audibly sighed at the display.

Anders smiled at her gesture and even moreso knowing that the elf didn’t approve. “I’ll look forward to it. You two be safe and be sure to avoid the Gallows.”

“Yes. Yes! Bye!” Hawke said waving as Anders made his way outside. She and Fenris left shortly after once she grabbed some breakfast. 

Once the two had made it to their training area, Hawke calmed herself before casting a spell on her staff watching as it’s form began to change shape into a sword, it’s edges a brilliant blue the same color of the focus on the top of her staff. She had become quite good at the initial transformation, now she was working on her actual sword skill on top of keeping it’s shape for the length of a battle.

Fenris had made a make-shift training dummy for her to practice on, less chance of him getting gouged while she was still learning. He carefully watched as she began to go through the routine he had taught her teaching her body the very basic movements when wielding a sword. He walked up beside her to correct one of her movements when he realized her arms were sagging more than usual. He looked up just in time to see her body go limp and he reached out to stop her just as her sword changed back into a staff and fell with a clang on the ground.

“Hawke!” He cried out as he caught her. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” It didn’t take long for her to shake off the moment until she was looking right towards the elf confused as to how she got to be in his arms. “Hawke, are you okay?”

“Uh… yeah.” She said removing herself from his hold, though he stayed fairly close in case of a repeat performance. “I.. that was weird.” Her hands went up to her head which suddenly felt like it was swimming. “Not sure what happened.”

“Is it too hot? Was it a heat stroke?” Fenris asked pulled between going to get her water canteen and staying to make sure she didn’t fall again.

“Couldn’t be, this heat is nothing. Ah… maybe … maybe it was just something I ate?” She asked… more to herself than to Fenris. 

“Perhaps you didn’t eat enough. Usually you eat enough to compete with that war hound of yours, this morning you turned your nose up at most of what Orana had prepared.”

“Hmm. Nothing really looked that good this morning.”

“It all looked fine to me. At least more edible than anything at the Hanged Man any given day.”

“Eh. Some of it just made my stomach churn.” Hawke said stooping to pick up her staff a bit dejected that she would have to start the incantation all over again. “Maybe I’m coming down with a cold, I’ll have to get some elfroot from Anders.”

“If you were any other woman, I’d venture to ask of your condition.”

“Condition?”

“Yes. It reminds me of the time when Denarius’ wife became pregnant with their son. I don’t know much more after that as I was not specifically her slave as much as to him.”

The sound of her staff hitting the floor again brought Fenris from his memories and he turned to look at a very shocked looking Hawke. “Is there something -” he stopped as she whispered something he was just unable to hear. “Pardon?”

“Pregnant?” She said a little louder her hands unconsciously landing on her belly. Fenris’ eyes followed her hands as the dawning took them both over and two pair of shocked eyes met each other.

“Are you?” Fenris asked. 

“I… uh…” Hawke’s mind reeled with trying to count days which although was not her strongest suit the answer she arrived at only drove her bewilderment stronger. “I… could be…” She said. 

Fenris’ eyes once more drifted towards her belly which was still flat in wonder to think that there could be a life sitting right there before finally saying. “You need to talk to Anders.” He watched as Hawke’s shocked face slowly transformed into one of horror.

“No… n-no we can’t do that.”

“I believe he should know if you are - mmmph!” Hawke quickly covered his mouth before he said the dreaded word out loud one more time. 

“W-wait. We can’t tell him! W-what if its just a cold or something? No need to tell him something until we know.”

“He is a healer… who else would you go talk to?”

“I..uh…”

“You need to talk to him.”

“Please Fenris, promise me you won’t tell him. I… It’s not exactly a great time… he’s so busy with his manifesto and the clinic. Piling one more thing would be too much. Plus he’s so focused on the mage-rebellion, it would… I just… not-not yet. Okay? Please promise me, Fenris.” She asked him her eyes locked on his.

It took a long moment before he let out a sigh and dropped his head. Honestly, so weak to this woman. “I will do as you ask, Hawke. Because you are my friend. But know that I do not agree with this.”

“I understand, and I’ll tell him! I will! Just… maybe wait until I know for sure. Anders isn’t the only healer in Kirkwall!” She said, her cheerful words unable to hide the small crack in her voice from worry. “A-anyway, I still have yet to master this sword stuff so let’s get going.”

“You couldn’t possibly mean? Oh, no. I absolutely refuse now. With your condition, putting more strain on your body will do more damage than good.”

“Aww come on. It’s not as if we know for sure - plus! It’s not like I’m a huge whale yet, I still have plenty of energy!”

The two continued to bicker at each other lightheartedly trying to cover the steady stream of concern surrounding them. Over the next few days, Hawke continued to experience those same symptoms trying to hide them as much as possible from her friends and family. Fenris only looked on silently voicing his disagreement with his eyes. But Hawke floundered on, most of their friends taking it at Hawke’s word. Anders, had been terribly busy in the clinic recently as a strong sickness swept through the sewers, so it was easy enough to hide behind the story of feeling sick. Though Fenris knew better.

One evening Varric was able to convince everyone to the Hanged Man for a night of Wicked Grace and drinks - to which they all happily agreed. Hawke tried to think of a way out of it which sounded plausible, knowing that the usual smell of the place had recently made her want to vomit and the knowledge she couldn’t drink not making her decision any easier. Her friends may not all be the most observant people ever but they were sure to notice something if she refused alcohol.

The entire group was gathered already talking loudly back in Varric’s quarters seated around the long table. Isabela had already thrown back at least two drinks while everyone else was still one their first when Hawke made her way into the bar. She momentarily thought to turn around and make up something the next day … that is until Aveline just so happened to see her as she came back from the privies. What terrible luck, Hawke thought, but plastered on her normal smile and walked back to greet her already too loud friends. Merrill quickly removed herself from the seat next to Anders taking the other open one on Isabela’s side leaving it open for her. Hawke would normally feel a little appreciative of the gesture, but she’s not sure sitting next to Anders now is what she can handle.

Hawke took her seat while being barraged by questions by the group’s nosy dwarf seeing if he missed any adventures that Hawke may have encountered. She wasn’t exactly sure of his motives other than just spreading a lot of exaggerated stories which somehow made himself look good, but far be it from her to ask. Isabela dealt out the cards for the next hand of Wicked Grace before Merrill loudly exclaimed that they were running low on drinks, Fenris immediately shot Hawke a look of warning while Hawke happily stood up stating she’d go let the waitress know at the bar, not to worry. The last part being mostly to get a certain elf to stop staring suspiciously at her.

She made her way out of the loud room towards the bar and was greeted by Elena - who by now had come to know each of her companions and their favorite drink choices as if it were her own. But today, Hawke had a change. She stealthily slid the woman a small handful of coin stating that it was for the drinks from her friends for that night and then another small handful directing into her hand stating that she was to make sure that her drinks were to be water ONLY. And then an extra coin to make sure that she not tell any living soul about her drink choice. Elena stared momentarily at her hand full of coin and gave a warm smile as she slid it into her pockets assuring the mage that she would take very good care of their drink choices.

With that out of the way she made her way back to her friends and smiled happily as they began their game, when the drinks were brought around Fenris shot another look at Hawke as she took a swig nearly grasping for the cup himself until she mouthed that its contents were water, sending the elf slumping into his chair. The moment nearly missed by all of their friends… save for one suspicious Anders who only caught on to small bits of pieces of their silent exchanges throughout the night. At one point as Hawke left for the privies strangely gasping right after the food or what was supposed to be food was delivered, Anders quickly took her cup to try the contents being quite surprised when he tasted nothing more than water. His suspicions only grew.

As the night went on and the drinks and money flowed eventually each of the companions began to bow out to go to their homes. Starting with Aveline, then soon Merrill who needed assistance walking so Isabla went off to help. Leaving Hawke, Anders, Fenris, and Varric alone to finish out the hands. Eventually, though Anders felt a weight on his shoulder and looked to see that Hawke had fallen asleep, so he excused them from the table, and Fenris left along with them since ‘he was going that way anyway’.  
The three walked the streets of Kirkwall, well, two walked and one sorta stumbled along the way until Anders had enough and went to carry her on his back. At that though Fenris loudly advised against, stating that he would carry her if Anders did not feel like he could which only got his suspicions back up. He certainly wasn’t going to let the elf carry his girlfriend so he picked her up princess style and the two men made their way to HighTown quietly. Once outside the Hawke Estate Anders stopped to say something to Fenris, nearly voicing his questions over the evening, but stopped short giving his regards to the elf as he skulked off towards his own dilapidated estate.

Once inside, Anders laid Hawke down on their bed and went about pulling off her outer clothes for her to sleep more comfortably. Though this had not been the first time she had been blackout drunk, he knew that the alcohol had not been the problem tonight - so what could cause such an extreme reactions that she had this evening? Once she was down to her smalls laying on the bed, he apologized gently to her sleeping form before he began to summon healing energy into his hand as he had done countless times before in his clinic. His apology of course since she had not technically consented to the act as he would have requested, but there was certainly something going on and he wanted to help any way he could.

Soon his skin began to hum with magic as his hands began to hover over her. He started at the top of her head and gradually pulled down her body. As he approached her chest a warm pink light grew a beautiful sight he thought as he smiled lightly but continued to search for any ailments he could fix. He hands descended lower at her lungs then stomach and as he went lower suddenly a small faint light began to grow and Anders’ hands stopped immediately. He hovered there for a few long moments until his fingers shook. He tested the light by removing his hands from the area watching as it faded out and then replacing his hands to see the light grow again.

Once the initial shock had worn off an impossibly wide smile tacked itself on his face at the knowledge that there below his hands was a new bundle of life growing in her stomach. He could have sat there all night staring in awe at this new life-form, but a few uncomfortable squirms from Hawke made him extinguish his magic. She clearly had been trying to keep this from him, perhaps she was trying to find a good way to tell him. So he wouldn’t take that moment from her, but now the pieces were beginning to fit. His heart felt so full at the thought and as Hawke slowly opened her eyes he leaned down and gave her a slow heartfelt kissed which she returned in her half asleep state. The two fell asleep that night snuggled up against each other with Anders hands never leaving her stomach.

The next few weeks would find Hawke beginning to gain a little weight which made her panic a bit, but thankfully her mage robes could be at least a little forgiving in this area. Fenris had all but banned her from training which made her quite pouty even if she understood it was for her own well being. And let’s not forget the daily questions of whether or not she had told Anders yet. And the mage in question doing his best to stay as aloof on the subject as possible, at least to her face. He made sure that Orana was serving healthy foods and that when that mangy mutt needed to tackle someone he bit the bullet himself or sent him after Sandal. The days seemed peaceful for a while, that is until the fated morning when white lilies appeared on her doorstep for her mother.

The day’s events echoed loudly in her mind seeing her mother’s dead face every time she closed her eyes. Of course her uncle only shouting loudly that it was all her fault for not being in time to save her. And honestly, Hawke believed him. She had been too slow. She did not see the signs early enough even if she knew what to look for. And now… she’d have to inform Carver, unsure if he would ever get the message anyway. And finally the thought dawned on her, her mother would not be around when she needed her help and advice with this new baby. What could she possibly do?

The tears she tried and tried to let loose would never come, stuck behind some wall deep within herself. Anders tried to console her, but she only pushed him away, unsure what exactly she needed. Anders wanted to grant her the space she wanted, but all he wanted to do was hold her tight to him and tell her that they would make it through.

But Hawke is a fighter. At least that’s what she tells herself. She plasters on that fake smile armed with terrible puns and quick wit and goes into the day. The constant condolences from her friends slowly chipping away at her mask but she barrels through pushing herself into quest after quest. Soon she’s far to busy to be concerned with feelings and that’s how she wants to be.

Her companions follow her as they always have but most keeping a wary eye for any glimmer of hope that they can help her deal with the pain they know she’s feeling. But she won’t let them in any further than they are. Even Anders who has been going on many more missions lately just for fear of her health. Fenris had already glued himself to her side not allowing her to even talk with anyone to which Anders was silently grateful since he was not always able to leave due to the clinic even if he wanted to. He knew she would be safe with the warrior.

Finally one day after all but stumbling down a path due to near exhaustion, Fenris stopped Hawke and pulled her into an alley to talk.

“You need to stop, Hawke.” he warned, voice low and steady. 

“Well, I can’t exactly stop being clumsy, silly.” She joked standing herself up before a large hand pushed her down to sit on a crate to rest. 

“You’re pushing too hard. You need to rest.”

“What rest? With all the people coming and asking for help. No rest for the wicked as they say.” She grinned, her fake smile cracking to reveal how tired she really was. 

“You need to sleep.” Fenris warned and Hawke only looked down unable to meet his eyes anymore. “If not for you then for-”

“I can’t sleep.” Hawke interrupted quietly. “Every time I close my eyes I see her. Saying how proud of me she was as the light drains from her face. How can she be proud when I let that happen to her?”

“Hawke.” Fenris voice turned soft at her words, the first she had said since that dreadful night.

“How can I possibly rest? And then you say not for me then for… what? This baby?” Her hands came and rubbed on her slightly swollen stomach. “I allowed my own mother to be killed by a monster and then what? I bring a new life into this world? How could I possibly?” Suddenly the tears which she had desperately try to hold back began to pour from her eyes and she covered her face to hide and she tried to push them back behind the damn.

Just then the two heard footsteps on the road behind them and quieted their voices. However, how Varric just knew where she was would always be a mystery to her, but she was slightly thankful for the distraction as he pushed his way in with news of a new quest.

“This one…” Varric started his eyes with just a bit of a glimmer. “deals with a dragon. Your favorite, Hawke.”

Before Fenris could jump and outrage at the though, Hawke stood up and accepted the quest with a big smile on her face. Fenris tried to stop her, but before he could she and Varric were back on the streets heading to go get the details from Hubert in High Town. Fenris quickly raced off towards Lowtown faster than he had run in a while.

Down in Anders’ clinic the mage was finishing up with the last person for the evening and cleaning up his supplies when he heard hurried footsteps approaching his door. He paused in his actions and thought to start unpacking again when he turned to spy a sight he didn’t think to see: Fenris who had appeared to have run from end to end of Kirkwall before he got to his current position. But what did occur to him was that he was missing someone… “Where’s Hawke?” Anders’ asked his voice low almost a warning a flicker of blue in his eyes.

“With Varric.” Fenris said calmly, bringing a sigh of relief to the mage before it was taken back again when the elf continued “Agreeing to a quest to kill a dragon.”

The two men stood silent for a moment while Anders processed the information. He knew as they all knew that there is no way that Hawke would ever turn down a job involving a dragon which would normally be quite dangerous but with her current condition both physical and mental.

“She can’t.” Anders said.

“Then stop her.” Fenris replied though Anders thought it would be difficult trying to stop Hawke from doing something she wanted to do. And what could he say, she had not officially told him that she was pregnant and these last few weeks since her mother’s passing she had been even more distant.

“I’m aware you know of her condition.” The elf continued. “You may have different thoughts on mages than I do, but I know you’re not a complete fool to miss the signs.”

Anders quietly looked up to the elf as his hands quickened their pace to pack his supplies. “You’re not wrong.”

“Then stop her before she puts herself and the child - your child - into more danger.” Fenris said before leaving the clinic off into the night.

Alone in the clinic, Anders finished the last of his packing and fished in his pocket for a small key. The key which opened up the cellar doors in the sewer leading up to Hawke’s Hightown Estate. The same key Hawke had given them when she asked him to move in saying it would be easier to come and go. He never used it unless there was an emergency with the templars at his door, however this was important.

Back at the Estate, Hawke was in the study glancing over some maps and materials that she and Varric had collected over the years regarding the mine. Ever since she had become partner, albeit not exactly by her own choice, her very streets-smart dwarven companion had impressed upon her to study up on the mine and land. Better to be safe than sorry he suggested.

She had been completely immersed in the map laid out on the table that she didn’t hear the small creek in the house, or even if she had probably assumed it was the dog… or Sandal, sometimes she wasn’t quite sure of him, but his enchantments were useful to have around. Her hands skimmed the map as another pair from behind her began to entwine themselves around her. A quick moment of surprise slowly faded into contentment with the realization of the intruder.

Anders kept his hands around her arms and shoulders, knowing from past experience how paranoid Hawke had become lately about her midsection. It had certainly not gone un-noticed, the times she would shy away from his touch if his hands ventured any lower. Or the fact that she had begun to wear robes at home in the estate even though Anders knew for a fact that she all but detests robes. She was trying to hide her changing body from him, and as much as it pained him, he also wanted to give her the space she was asking of him.

He hummed lightly into her ear as he leaned over to see her preparations. “New mission?” he asked as though he didn’t already know.

“Yup. At the Bone Pit. Hubert said since I’m also part owner that I should check into it. Which is unnecessary, if you ask me since he’s already had investigators scouring the area.”

“Isn’t that the place where you found a dragon last time?” Anders inquired, trying to keep his embrace from being too suffocating, though his arms threatened to tighten with distress.

“Pfft. If you call that thing a dragon. It was tiny!” Hawke mocked. “Barely big enough to ride! Plus, none of the reports coming back are exactly charred, you know. It’s probably just some Tal-Vashoth stragglers or smugglers. ”

Anders feigned a chuckle at her words, which did nothing to relieve his worry. “Have you decided who’s going with you?”

As Hawke thought it over, she pulled away slightly from Anders grasp to glance at the map again. “Hmm.. well, Varric is still sore about the fight from last time. That and he said since he heard from one of his contacts about there being a dragon or dragonling, he should check the validity. Eh, but that guys usually so drunk, he talks to the hat stand at the Hanging Man. So I’m betting nothing bigger than a deepstalker. So I’ll take him, and Fenris, I suppose. I could ask Aveline again-”

“Let me go.” Anders said directly causing Hawke to glance over her shoulder. 

“Oh, you don’t have to. I know you’re busy with the clinic and your manifesto.” She flashed him a smile before turning back to her desk. 

“No. I want to go. The clinic will be fine for one day.”

“Oh, you’ve cured all of Lowtown, have you?” She teased.

“Hah. It’s not called magic for nothing.” He continued her teasing.

“Well, if there’s two mages, that would mean we need a different attack plan. Last time it was me, Aveline, Varric, and Carver.” As the last name passed her lips a flicker of sorrow flashed by her eyes, which had not gone unseen by the man.

“Don’t you think that having another mage to help heal would be beneficial?” He tried to argue. Anders was desperate to go on this mission to ensure her safety.  
Her momentary sorrow was quickly replaced with feigned disgust. “Well, I may not be some fancy-pants Warden Spirit Healer like you, but I know enough healing spells to get by.”

She was right of course, and Anders knew that. There were many missions he was unable to join due to the clinic and he knows there’s no way her and her companions are anywhere near careful - they are Hawke’s friends of course. She certainly could heal small wounds and was good and clear headed in battle, but he had to think of a way to convince her. And suddenly it came to him. The perfect way he knew she’d be unable to refuse.

“Oh? I didn’t think the great Champion of Kirkwall would want to have such a secondary role in the fight.” He said crossing his arms. 

“Secondary?” She asked almost hurt by the accusation.

“If you’re so busy healing every scrape and bruise on your friends, it would be pretty difficult to train your mind on a dragon, right?”

“It’s not… secondary… or a dragon…” Hawke faltered for a moment. During the last fight she did remember spending more time summoning healing spells than actually fighting, plus she could possibly try out her new ‘sword’ technique.

“I would have just figured that the mighty Hawke would rather be fighting the dragon toe to claw matching it’s mighty fire breath with well placed lighting bolts.”

Hawke hummed at the thought, it was nearly a purr in satisfaction as if she were imagining the entire scene play out in front of her. “Well, you do have a point.” She finally said before adding. “Okay, love, you can come. Wouldn’t want to disappoint an admirer.” She beamed up towards the man as he returned the smile pulling her into his embrace once again. “Plus hearing you talk about dragons gets me all tingly.”

“Oh?” Anders said with renewed interest. “Any other topics, I should try?”

“Cheese?” She said innocently. 

“Ah, so the way to entice the Champion of Kirkwall and get into her bed is to seduce her with talks of dragons and dairy products?” His lips ghosted over the side of her neck sending a shiver down her spine.

“It’s a start. Although, it also helps if you’re a fancy-pants Warden Spirit Healer.” A devilish smile passed her lips as he continued to leave small pecks on any available skin. “Know where I could find one of those?”

“Oh, I’m sure you needn’t look too far.” he murmured in between kisses. Hawke was beginning to grow delirious with the affection. It had been a while since they had any intimate time since she had become worried about her changing appearance. And the sudden thought screamed through her brain and she stiffened automatically. Anders halted his movements as she gingerly removed herself from his arms once again. 

“I… uh…” She stammered trying to pull herself away form her desires and shook her head slightly. “I need to continue the preparations for the mission tomorrow.” She diverted her eyes from his lips where she realized she had been intently staring. “It’s going to be an early morning. Y-You should get some rest.”

“And you don’t?” Anders said in a huff. 

“Just a bit longer, I’ll be up soon.” She smiled and Anders sighed at her stubbornness. But before he could even turn away, Hawke lunged at him pulling his head down to hers before crashing their lips together in a searing kiss. After a few heated breaths exchanged she pulled away. “That should tide me over for a little while.”

Speak for yourself, were the words that Anders held back and obediently retired to their bedroom to wait on her. It would still be a while before she would return which only made him more worried though he pretended to be asleep as she climbed into the bed. She always snuggled into his side and he pulled her close to him as if they fit together like a puzzle piece. Anders decided that it was moments like these when he was truly happy: to be able to feel her warmth so close.

The next morning came far too soon for Anders who wished he had magic enough to push the sun back below the horizon. But the sunlight, as it usually did, streamed through the windows causing Hawke to stir beside him. He took these final moments to allow his arms to linger on her form until she rolled out of his embrace. She made a few noises of protest to herself, Anders presumed at the fact that she wasn’t moving as quickly as she wanted due to her condition, but continued his rouse of sleeping instead.

He would meet her downstairs a little later in the morning, well, at least the lot of moochers that seemed to show up when they had a mission for free food. The moochers included the dwarf, broody elf, and the smelly mutt who was nearly big enough for a chair at the table himself. Honestly, a cat is so much easier to deal with. But that discussion could at least be held until a later date, since there were much more pressing matters for the moment.

Varric was teasing Thrandruil with a bone waving it from side to side in front of the hound. The dog’s eyes were trained on his toy snapping his jaws if it ventured closer. As Hawke entered the room, Varric shouted “Heads up!” and tossed the bone towards the woman who though surprised still caught the bone in her hands. This action sent the hound leaping off towards it’s master who appeared frozen in the moment.

Fenris and Anders both reacted out of instinct, Fenris tackling the mutt and Anders shot out a wall of ice to stop him before they could send Hawke tumbling down. It all happened in mere seconds. Once the figurative dust had settled and the wall disappeared, Hawke could only stand there speechless as she ascertained what occurred. Both Anders and Fenris eyes were trained towards Hawke making sure she was untouched while Varric wore much the same expression as Hawke: baffled.

“Uh..” Hawke began. “It… it was just the dog.” She presented the bone towards the dog who removed itself from Fenris and went bounding towards Hawke. When he arrived he stopped abruptly and ever so gently took the bone in between his teeth and wagged his tail towards his master. A small sigh left the elf and mage simultaneously leaving the dwarf to try to figure out what happened to himself. 

“Isn’t that right, boy? Thrandy wouldn’t hurt me.” She cooed at the dog bending down to pat his head earning a rumble of approval since his mouth was full. “Those silly men, they should know by now. Thrandy would never hurt his master. He’s a good boy. Yes he is.”

“You know, Hawke, you spoil that beast. Treat it more like a kid than a dog.” Varric mused. She tried to reply but was interrupted by a boisterous laugh from the dwarf who continued.

“Now there’s an image, right? Hawke with a baby on her hip, right? And one hanging off her robe. That’s great!” Varric was so enraptured by his own thought and laughter that he had become completely unaware of the sudden tension in the rest of the room. Hawke’s hands were still as they sat frozen on top of Thrandruil’s head, her eyes focused out in front of her, and yet somehow on nothing. 

Fenris glanced towards Hawke then up to Anders who attempted to reach out towards his girlfriend but was stopped when Varric’s hand clamped down on his arm.

“Blonde kids, yeah, Blondie? Running around Hightown causing havoc. I can see it now. Though they’d still be little Hawke’s right? Since you’re some one-named apostate.” He laughed again and Anders only showed an uneasy smile which had gone unnoticed. 

“Right, Hawke?” Varric asked, needing someone to have enjoyed his story. He is a story-teller of course. Hearing no reply he glanced past Anders towards Hawke still frozen in place with the dog. Thrandruil cocked his head to the side and let out a small whimper which must have finally caught her attention just in time for Varric to call for her again. She pat the dog again before stuttering her reply.

“Huh? O-Oh. Did you say something? I was thinking of… uh…” The silence grew long as it took much longer than usual for the witty Hawke to find a suitable word. “Uh… dragons.” She smiled. “I was thinking about dragons, that’s pretty normal, right?” 

None of the men responded each with a different type of concern showing on their face. Finally, Hawke stood back up and smiled to the room. “I’m… going upstairs to  
check on my pack. I … think I forgot something. I’ll be right back down.” Her feet couldn’t move quick enough as she all but fled the dining room, leaving silence in her wake.

She rushed up the stairs and instead of heading to her bedroom she continued straight until she was faced with the door which led to her mother’s room. She carefully opened the door and slipped inside, closing the door quietly behind her. It had been some time since her mother’s death which had all but broken her completely. She still could not find the energy to change even a small detail about the room. Her eyes raked over the room without really looking at anything in particular until she found herself at the head of the bed. Her hands weakly reached out and grabbed one of the pillows and pulled it to her face.

Hawke inhaled deeply and was surrounded with the distinct smell she associated with her mother. That one particular type of soap that her mother was so excited about finding a merchant in Lowtown which made Ferelden style soap. She said it made her feel more like she was back in Lothering with their family. The memory nearly brought tears to Hawke’s eyes until she stopped herself and carefully returned the pillow.

She wasn’t sure why she came into the room… maybe a part of her really wished that she could open the door and there her mother would be. Ready with a story about her father which she always enjoyed. If she were still around she could be there to answer her questions about her current condition or at least a shoulder to cry on, but Hawke knew that was something she would not have… not with her mother anymore. Another deep breath as she carefully locked all those thoughts deep within her. Today was not the day to dwell, not with the mission she was going on. Hawke chuckled, her mother certainly would not have approved of this at all.

Hawke reached the door and quietly opened it and escaped the room, sealing it behind her. As the final creak of the door subsided and she gathered herself she noticed Fenris leaning against the wall in the shadows waiting for her. She sighed, knowing he was there due to his concerns but it still can be annoying.

“Hawke.” his deep voice quietly called. “You should reconsider this mission.”

“Now, now, Fenris. I can’t do that after I already agreed.” She said pasting on a fake smile. “Plus it’s nothing. Hubert already sent out -”

“It’s dangerous. To you and to-” He was abruptly cut off before he could finish his sentence, though it didn’t stop Hawke from already knowing. 

“Look, I promise. This is the last one. After we deal with the Bone Pit, I will confine myself to just the daily raider and Qunari problems.” Fenris grunted his disapproval. 

“Joking. Look I’ll take it easy after this, okay?”

“And Anders?” Fenris asked threateningly. 

Another sigh from Hawke. “Yes. I’ll tell him too, okay? After we figure out whats happening.”

Fenris didn’t exactly agree but did nothing to stop her as she passed by wearing a face of indifference as she went to her room and grabbed her pack. As she passed by in front of him he snatched the pack from her and walked in front of her even despite her quiet protests. They met back up with the others and the group gathered their provisions for the mission.

It was at least a days trip to the Bone Pit and no telling how long they would be there searching for the disturbance, and then the trip back so they had to pack enough supplies. Hawke however was suspiciously devoid of most of her packs as they were divided between Anders and Fenris who didn’t let her take much more than the bare essentials. Hawke rolled her head and tried to make a witty comment to Varric about her being too dainty to carry big heavy packs. Varric only joking equating Hawke’s daintiness with that of a barrel-chested sailor. Anders tried to say it was something to do with exercise since he wasn’t getting enough down in the clinic. Fenris just remained silent.

The trip to the Bone Pit was just as uneventful as Fenris and Anders could have wanted, leaving Hawke and Varric a little bored, honestly. The little band kept each other entertained with stories, well mostly Varric, but no one is complaining. Okay, no one but Fenris, but he almost doesn’t count.

After one particular epic somehow involving Varric and some noble lady from Starkhaven, Anders responded. “Oh, I would have been interested in seeing that myself!”

Varric replied “Now Anders, I’m sure you have some some great redeeming qualities underneath that flock of dead birds perched on your shoulders, but you know there’s only one girl for me.”

“Yeah, Anders. And you know that if anyone gets a shot to be with Varric after Bianca, it’s going to be me! You’re just a placeholder.” Hawke added, earning a hearty chuckle from the group as Anders pretending pout. 

Eventually, they arrived right outside of the mine just before the sun dipped below the horizon. The group found some suitable ground and made a small camp for the night. They would take turns keeping watch for any raiders and keeping the fire lit. And although Hawke was assigned a watch-time, she had been too exhausted from the trip up the mountain to wake up, which was just as well since Fenris and Anders had no intention of letting her sit up anyway.

The next morning and sun broke through the haze rousing Hawke from her sleep and sending her into an early morning scolding since no one woke her up for her watch-time. But she eventually gave up in favor for just getting to the mission at hand. The group packed up their supplies and went off towards the heart of the mine, though even before they reached it the devastation greeted them. The buildings and equipment had been destroyed and smoke still billowing high into the air. Most of the fires had died out, but a small chorus of crackles could be heard throughout the mine.

A few bodies littered the area, some Hawke had recognized as the workers, others she was more unsure of. Varric studied one of the bodies closer and stated and ripped the symbol off of one of the sleeves to have it studied once back at Kirkwall. He thought something to do with Lyrium smugglers, but would like to look into it later. The presence of the smugglers set the entire party at ease affirming the idea that this mission was going to be simple. Track down a couple of bad guys and scare them off, worst case they may pay them off, but at least the threat was known.

Hawke lead the party into the mines where some of the wall torches still flickered with dying life. Thankfully, between Anders and Hawke they were able to summon veilfire to help light their path which was still littered with bodies and rubble the further they ventured. Eventually they found themselves at a fork in the path leading off into several different tunnels.

“Alright, well, Fenris, you take far left, I’ll take this one, Anders you go down there, and Varric, you can take the far right path.” Hawke instructed. 

“Why don’t we go in pairs?” Anders suggested, not wanting to leave Hawke alone. 

“Awww. Anders, this isn’t the best time to make out, how about later after the mission?” Hawke joked earning a snort from Varric. 

Anders returned an awkward chuckle. “As much as this dank moldy cave really gets me in the mood, I think it would be smarter.”

“Well, I’ve studied the schematics of these tunnels several times, none of them are very long as I recall.” Varric mused. 

“See, trust the Dwarf. Tight compact places are like second nature to them, right?”

“Oh, aren’t you a funny human, Hawke.” Varric chortled.

“Absolutely, and don’t forget about my stunning good looks.” She posed, tossing her hair over a shoulder.

“I guess, for a human, maybe.”

A small huff and she continued. “Well, aesthetics aside, if we split up, we’ll be able to get through them that much quicker. All I want to do is confirm that there are no more smugglers around and then we can leave, okay? So I’m heading down here.”

“Wait. Hawke!” Anders called out but there was no way she was going to listen. She was right that it would take less time if they each split up especially if they were short. He sighed and went down the adjacent path. The party didn’t find too much along their individual paths, a few spiders, Varric skewered a small deepstalker, and each found a couple of bodies laid about.

Hawke was beginning to grow a little bored as she went down the winding, rocky path. She had probably the least occupied path and only found one or two bodies along the way. But as she continued along the path she finally realized that she had been walking for a bit longer than she would have expected in a “short” path. It flashed by her mind to stop and turn around and get the others, but what fun would that be? So she ventured forward.

The others, however, once they reached the ends of their tunnels each turned back and returned to the main cavern. Fenris was first, Varric second, with Anders coming last. The three men waited for a moment for Hawke as they gave a quick summary of what they each found, but time kept moving forward, and there was no sign of Hawke’s return. The seconds ticking by just adding to Anders anxiety which skyrocketed as a loud distinctive screech of a dragon poured in from somewhere outside of the mines. All three men looked down the path which Hawke took, that was where the sound was coming from. Anders felt his entire body run cold.

“Shit, was that a High Dragon?” Varric exclaimed, though before his question could be answered both men went darting down the pathway and he rushed off after them. 

Moments earlier as Hawke continued her weaving through the tunnel, she saw light pouring in from outside. It seems the path she had chosen lead out to one of the staging areas for the minerals, which would be a great place for any smugglers to still be hanging about. As she got closer to the mouth of the cave, she heard movement from outside and slowed her breathing, listening for any clues to help her attack plan.

She focused her mind onto her staff which began to hum with the magic energy surrounding them and slowly transformed into Hawke’s sword which brought about a large grin on the mage’s face. She couldn’t wait to see the surprise on those smugglers’ faces when she appeared and fought with both the sword and magic. She had been waiting for a moment to try out her new skill since she discovered the tome, and this seemed as good a time as any. She tightened her grip on the hilt and stepped out into the light.

It took a brief moment for her eyes to adjust to the sunlight since she had been immersed in darkness for her entire journey through the mine, but what stood before her as the scene became clear in view made the hairs on her arms stand up straight. There in front of her was a very, very large dragon. It’s scales black with flecks of purple and orange reflecting the sunlight. “Well, this is just even better than a smuggler!” Hawke commented to herself as she began to approach the dragon the smile on her face having turned positively giddy as the dragon screeched.

The men ran as fast as their legs could take them, Fenris taking the lead sword ready. Soon they found the opening and the sounds of a fight began to echo inside of the cave. The men instinctively picked up their pace knowing that there’s no way Hawke would ever not go after a dragon head on, back up or not. And as they entered the light of day, their fears came to light. There Hawke stood face to face with an enormous dragon holding… a sword? Fenris growled at the idea of her using such an unstable trick while Anders and Varric tried to comprehend briefly why a mage was wielding a sword.

From a few hundred yards away, Hawke was fending off the dragon. If one looked closely at the dragon, they would see electric scorch marks as well as large gouges about it’s scales. Hawke on the other hand seemed mostly unharmed save for being covered in dirt and a few bruises which could have been from her own sword. The moment was soon lost however, as fatigue began to show on both Hawke and the dragon.

Her shoulders slumped with the weight of the sword but she wouldn’t drop it. Not after having gone this far… plus it’s a dragon! She would fight to the end. She squared up against it pulling the sword up for an attack in time for the dragon to have noticed the three men’s presence. As it’s attention was redirected, Hawke also looked over to spy her companions as they began to make their way by her side. The dragon, wary of their presence quickly turned it’s hulking body to leap away from the incoming men.

As the dragon turned, it’s large spiked tail came swinging by and collided with Hawke. The momentum sent the mage flying backwards and into the rocky cavern wall. The impact on the wall in addition to the dragon’s tails and spikes cause Hawke go go limp momentarily as she slumped to the ground. A chorus of her name being yelled out rang out as the men approached. It was a small blessing the dragon took to the skies to survey her new opponents.

Thanks to his long legs, Fenris got to Hawke’s side first, with Anders right on his heels. The elf knelt close to the champion but kept his sword poised and one eye on the sky watching the circling dragon for it’s next move. Varric took a moment longer to arrive, damn his short legs, he cursed. By time he had made it Anders was already at her side beginning to survey the damage. The bruises the men spotted from a distance were much worse up close and there’s no telling what came from this last impact. A small trickle of blood poured down her forehead which Anders carefully swiped up with his sleeve.

From high above the dragon screeched, and Hawke jerked awake startling the men. When her eyes adjusted to being awake she saw the three sets of eyes trained on her and strained to crack a smile.

“Hey guys… didja see… the dragon?” She winced as she tried to sit up, Anders’ strong hands held her down. 

“Hawke, what were you doing?” Fenris growled his attention back to the dragon who’s circling was growing closer.

“Uh.. fighting a dragon?” She tried to sound lighthearted but her body was in great pain as much as she tried to hide it from her friends. 

“How could you be so reckless?” Anders murmured to himself as he tried to send healing energy into her body, unfortunately the damage was much worse than he could help out here, but something, anything had to help. 

“Wouldn’t be our Hawke if she wasn’t reckless, you should know that by now, Blondie.” Varric joked, but his concern was just as strong. 

Hawke would have retorted, but the dragon suddenly dove and landed on the ground sending small tremors through the ground. Fenris jumped out in front of the others to create a shield between them and the dragon, Varric steadied Bianca ready to fire, but Anders continued to focus on healing Hawke before the woman in question raised her hand and laid it on top of his own trembling hands.

“Hawke.” Anders spoke in barely more than a whisper as he looked up to her face to see her straining to give him a smile, her eyes though pained still showed her normal warmth. 

“It’s fine. I can heal at least… this much. Besides, the dragon-” She tried to stand, but immediately fell down with a muffled groan. Her arm draped around her stomach.

“Dammit Hawke.” Varric grumbled and knelt down by her head a hand on her shoulder trying to convince her to stay down. “We’ll handle the dragon, just sit back and heal, okay? Need to be well enough for drinks at the Hanged Man after this.”

Hawke made the effort to laugh, but the sound was mixed with groans of pain, the stubborn woman. The dragon roared some ways away and Fenris yelled in pain as he activated the lyrium in his veins. The dragon stumbled as it put weight on one of it’s legs which Hawke had already attacked, giving the party a much needed advantage.

“It’s injured, we just need to finish this.” Fenris called behind him. 

“See, I’ve already done… the hard work… just go.” Hawke stammered through her sentence while looking at Anders. She knew more than anyone that anyone facing the dragon would need magical barriers up to help lessen it’s attacks. Her barriers are the only reason she was even still alive. 

“Hawke, I’m not.-” Anders tried to disagree, but was met with loud protest. 

“Go. He’ll need barriers.” Hawke panted after the exertion but her intent was serious and Anders knew she was right and the sound of Fenris already in battle with the dragon flooded his hearing validating her claim.

“I will be right back. Heal if you can or at least take some health potions.” He shot a look at Varric who nodded in silent agreement. Being an archer meant he could stay closer to Hawke while the others had to be closer to the dragon to cause damage. The mage reluctantly took a final look at his girlfriend before grabbing his staff and went off towards Fenris.

Varric waited until the two were fighting before he stood to his feet. “Make sure you heal, Hawke.” He said beginning to aim Bianca in the direction of the faltering dragon.

“Shit.” Hawk cursed lowly, barely audible to the dwarf over the commotion. A low groan from behind Varric made him look over his shoulder to see Hawke raise her arm from her stomach to reveal blood soaked clothes and a visible gash from in between the slashed clothing.

“Dammit. Heal, Hawke.” Varric demanded, but his attention was distracted as the sword which he had seen Hawke fighting with earlier began to vibrate and hum lightly before changing into her magical staff. His mind was reeling trying to comprehend what he witnessed until he saw Hawke beginning to fade. 

“Hawke!” He yelled and rushed to her side and held up her head resting it on his lap. 

Hawke, though only barely conscious saw her blood soaked stomach and said through a shaky voice. “Don’t… Anders.. about … baby.” Before he could ask try to think about the connection he called her name out loudly trying to bring her back to consciousness. Hawke would have wanted to reply, but his voice seemed so far away and the darkness around her seemed so thick until she was swallowed up completely.

Eventually the darkness subsided and Hawke pushed through the murkiness towards the small sliver of light which peeked in her consciousness. The closer she got to the light the more difficult it became as her body’s pain and fatigue became more aware. How easy it would be to stay in the encompassing darkness, but Hawke pressed on. As she finally broke through into the light, her eyes, which she was unaware were closed opened and the bright light which she sought so hard to go towards faded into the dancing light of the fire in a nearby fireplace.

Above her hung a familiar canopy and Hawke assumed she had made it home at some point but had no memory of anything recently. Her hand absently went to feel the bed next to her for where a body usually slept whether it was Anders or Thrandruil… a few times it had been both which made for a very grumpy mage boyfriend in the morning. But her hand felt nothing but her silk sheets. However, her stirring caused movement elsewhere in the room and soon there was a figure at her side.

“Hey, Hawke.” Varric said as he carefully looked down to his friend. 

“Are you sneaking into my bed, Varric?” Hawke joked through a raspy voice. 

“I was going to ask how you were feeling, but it must be fine since you have such a sassy retort.” The dwarf smiled. “Although, you almost getting killed, isn’t very funny. You had a lot of people worried.”

Hawke searched her muddled memories back to the Bone Pit, the dragon, the blood, but then… nothing. “What…” She swallowed looking for moisture for her throat. “What happened?”

Varric took a few steps back to the desk and brought a few of the papers over to the chair seated by Hawke’s bed. He patted the papers together on his knee to make them even before clearing his throat, a sure sign it was time for a good story.

“Ahem.” He began. “There, the champion laid crumpled on the ground, body nearly mangled from the vicious dragon who was in a similar condition. Her handsome dwarf companion-” Varric stopped when he heard a grunt of disapproval from the bed. “Like I was saying… ‘Her EXTREMELY handsome dwarf companion with an exquisite crossbow-” Varric paused to see Hawke rolling her eyes before continuing. “called out to the Champion. His cries were carried across the battlefield where Fenris and Anders both turned to see the lifeless body of the Champion being cradled by the DEVASTATINGLY handsome dwarf with a heart of gold. Suddenly, both men’s emotions skyrocketed and the battlefield erupted in a wash of blinding blue light. A loud cry pierced the sky and as the light faded, The dragon was pierced on each side by a sharp blade and a razor like ice lance each protruding from it’s chest. As the men removed their weapons, the dragon flopped to the ground heaving it’s last breath awashed in a soft blue light illuminating from it’s killers.’ And.. it goes on from there.”

“Huh?” Hawke grunted from her spot on the bed. 

“Yeah, the rest isn’t as important, right? They ran over and Blondie snatched you up and practically ran the entire way back to Kirkwall without stopping. We even ran into a group of actual smugglers at one point and the fight was over in a second once he unleashed some sort of magic on them. And well, he’s been holed up with you in here for the past-” Varric paused to think for a moment counting a few numbers on his fingers. “-well, almost 5 days by now. It took quite a bit of convincing to get him to step away for a moment to rest though, I’m sure he’s just off finding more healing spells.”

As Varric continued speaking, his words were slowly sinking in and the memories of the battle with the dragon, and that final impact came crashing back to her. Immediately her hands found their way to her stomach as she tried to feel for … anything. Varric was aware of her actions, but made no attempt to let her know. He’d had enough time since Hawke’s fall to piece together what her last strangled message meant, and along with a few scattered memories for the past few months, it all made sense. And even though he and Hawke were close, there must be some things you have to keep from your best friend, as much as hated to admit.

“Ah.” Varric continued speaking trying to divert any awkward feelings in the air. “I’d better go find, Blondie, I’m afraid he’ll get all glow-y if I didn’t tell him the second you woke up.” He stood up and walked over to the desk to gather his papers into his satchel, but before he left Hawke called out to him.

“Varric, thank you.” She said in a hoarse voice. 

He only smiled to himself. “Now, now, Hawke, no need to get all sentimental on me. You need to get better soon, I seem to remember promising to have drinks at the Hanged Man… your treat, of course.” A wry smile from Hawke and he reached for the door just in time for the handle to open from the other side.

There Anders stood with a bag full of ingredients for, Maker knows what, looking just a ragged as when he left. A brief glance towards Varric before the dwarf placed his hand on the mage’s arm. “She’s all yours, Blondie.” He said and then moved past Anders and pulled the door shut behind him. He’d be sure to give them some time, but there were some other acquaintances of Hawke’s that would really like to know she’s awake.

Back inside the room as the door clicked shut, the bag fell from Anders’ arms some of it’s contents spilling unceremoniously on the floor as the mage practically leaped the entire length of the room towards the bed. His hands sought out her face holding it softly yet firmly staring deep into her azure eyes. Part of him had felt over these past few agonizing days that he would never be able to see them looking back at him like this and he thought surely this was his favorite color. This deep unfathomable jewel like blue full of warmth only for him. Just the thought that she was finally awake made him extremely grateful as he closed his eyes gently and brought his forehead to rest against hers.

“I thought I lost you.” He said barely above a whisper. 

Hawke started to speak, but found the words get stuck in her sore throat. Anders must have sensed it and though reluctant to part pulled away only long enough to fetch the glass of water on one of the side tables next to the bed. He helped her drink some of the liquid down, grateful when it didn’t seem to cause any new pains.  
As he set the glass back down his hands again went to roam around her body, checking for any wounds or bruises that he had missed in his countless other searches these past few days, but as his hands got closer to her stomach she winced and he stopped immediately eyes locking up with hers searching for any sign of pain. However, what she felt was not physical pain, Anders had been very thorough with his healing. No, this feeling was more emotional. The feeling of guilt… and fear. Something Anders knew all too well and recognized it immediately.

He delicately crawled into the bed next to her and up to her head to cradle it in his hands again, bringing their foreheads together again. As his nimble fingers caressed her cheeks he felt the pads of his thumbs slide over moisture and a quiet sob made him reach up to kiss her forehead.

“Is… Is it…” She asked in between sobs both hands still on her stomach gripping at her clothes lightly. 

“I’m sorry, love.” Was all he could reply before she sobbed louder and gripped at his cloak. Anders gently, yet firmly pulled her into his chest rubbing her back and shoulders as she sobbed.

It took some time before Hawke’s crying began to falter out. The loud wailing replaced with sniffling. It had been the first time she was able to cry in such a long time it drained all of her energy out of her. As she grew quiet in his arms, Anders pulled back slightly to see her face and wiped the tear stains from her cheeks.

“How long did you know?” She asked quietly. 

Anders contemplated his answer as he delicately adjusted his embrace on her body allowing her head to rest on his shoulder. “I’d say not too long after you knew.” Hawke groaned in disapproval. “Well, I daresay, I wouldn’t be much of a healer if I didn’t know at least that much about my own beloved.” He chuckled lightly as he rubbed her back.

“I feel like a complete moron for trying to hide it. You’re not angry?” She asked peering up at him. 

“Not at all. I knew you would tell me eventually, when you were ready.”

“So you were just going to let me hide it from you… until when?”

“Like I said, love, I would wait until you told me.”

“Oh? So you would have still played dumb with me waddling about with a huge tummy and still say nothing?”

“Absolutely.”

“Right, and what about when I went into labor? Still nothing?”

“Well, it would be a little difficult, I’d say, but I’d be right by your side smiling and waiting. Getting punched by you in the process, I’m sure.”

“Mmhmm. And what would you say when I finally told you as I’m standing there with the baby on my hip?”

“I’d say I was the happiest man on the earth, with the most beautiful family. As I would have said all along.”

Hawke sighed. “I really am a moron.”

“Not quite.” He smiled and kissed the top of her head. “Though maybe a bit too reckless sometimes. Nearly sending me to an early grave. I know you like to tease, love, but perhaps we should leave the teasing to the bedroom?” The couple giggled lightly until Hawke grew quiet again, meaning she was overthinking something. Anders gently maneuvered to where he could see her face.

“So… you would be okay… with a family… with me?” She asked quietly, azure eyes peeking up to him from beneath her eyelashes.

“Until I met you, I honestly didn’t think I’d ever have much of a future. Let alone have someone to love who loves me back. But all that changed when I met you, Hawke. And while the future is still quite uncertain with the mages and templars and wardens… I know that I want to spend my life with you.” He bent down to kiss her lips. “Does a family scare me? Yes, but only because I never thought that I, an apostate mage tainted with the blight and possessed with a spirit of justice, would ever be afforded such a luxury. But with you? I’d gladly try.”

He reached down to kiss her again, his hand caressing her cheek as he felt another tear run down her face. He grinned into the kiss before pulling away only enough to speak. “Still crying, love?”

“Shut up. That was really mushy what you said.” She pouted and his grin only spread sealing their lips in another kiss. 

“And it was all true.” As the two continued exchanging small kisses they melted into the mattress beneath them slowly curling up into each other. Eventually, the sounds of their lips meeting was replaced with soft even breaths and they both slipped off into the fade of sleep wrapped around each other as they could never let the other go.  
Moments later some rustling outside the door came around and the door creaked open. Varric tried to peek through a small sliver to see if he was intruding, however the door soon flew open as Thrandruil, evidently not one for subtle moments bounded through and leapt up on the bed amidst angry whispers and commands from the doorway. He was smart enough to have heard them but would not be kept away from his master any longer. The large marbari sniffed lightly at Hawke and then at Anders before settling for the foot of the bed to curl up and lay.

Varric along with Hawke’s other companions all stood at the door looking in on the lovely scene before the dwarf shooed them all away quietly and shut the door. Hawke would be up and around eventually and would have lots of people to talk with, but for now he would leave her be with the feathery mage and that drooling mutt. Besides, he needed to work on his new story about how the Champion of Kirkwall single-handedly killed a dragon with a magic sword. Won’t this get some tongues wagging?

**Author's Note:**

> My first Dragon Age Universe fanfic! And it has to be angsty… I apologize mostly because I want to believe in happy endings, but Dragon Age WON’T GIVE THEM TO ME!


End file.
